


Forgotten

by rineolus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-19 02:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10630275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rineolus/pseuds/rineolus
Summary: It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.





	1. Chapter 1

**Title** : Forgotten  
 **# of chapters** : multishot  
 **Word Count** : 26, 238  
 **Pairing** : KaiSoo (main) ; SeKai (side, broken) ; ChanHun (side) ;  
 **Bands** : EXO  
 **Rating** : PG  
 **Warning** : character death  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the characters.  
 **Prompt** : xx  
 **PDF Download Link** : xx  
 **Summary** : It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.  
 **A/N** : cross-posted on [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/546243)  
 **Links** :  
 **ChanHun main story** : Sanctuary - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/497579/sanctuary-exo-sehun-chanyeol-hunhan-kaisoo-chanhun-seyeol) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2904290.html)  
 **KrisHan main stor** y: Reminisce - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/598091) | LJ (not yet available)  
 **Chanhun Christmas oneshot** : Miracles in December - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/610458/miracles-in-december-luhan-tao-sehun-chanyeol-chanhun-seyeol-chanse) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2892496.html)  
 **ChanLay Christmas oneshot** : First Snow - [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/621774/first-snow-angst-exo-chanyeol-lay-kris-chanhun-chanlay) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2939865.html)

_ Prologue: Rose Osiria _

Eleven thirty in the morning, it was quite unusual to see a certain table in the far left corner of their University’s courtyard slash cafeteria, empty. A live version of either Clash of the Titans or a very dramatic live action of World War Z would usually take place on the said table and would often start at ten o’clock in the morning when the first set of classes would end. It would usually start with Jongdae’s snickers, followed by Baekhyun’s cry that would soon be accompanied by Chanyeol’s low yet loud cackles. That day was quite weird, really, the table was empty, except for a boy that he had never seen before that quickly bolted when Kyungsoo came into view.

“Nice to meet you too, I guess?” He chuckled as he took a seat right by the small rose bush he had been watching since the school year started. _Hybrid Rose Osiria_ – the caretaker told him once, a type of Hybrid Tea rose that had one of the most exquisite color combinations – its petals were blood red on the inside and chaste silvery white on the outside. It was spring and the flower was at its full blossom and Kyungsoo thought it was phenomenal. The way the bush slowly danced along the cool spring breeze, and the way the birds sang along with the gust was making his heart flutter a little bit. The serenity was just a little too overwhelming, he just found himself humming a random tune he created in his head the night before.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

The chords registered in his head as he imagined his fingers dancing over the keys of his dream grand piano, as he translated each one into beautiful notes, singing along words that hadn’t been written yet. One day, he said, soon, he even added, he would inscribe those words on each note and would create a song that would not only create serenity, but also love. It was quite a dream, no, a promise, yet Do Kyungsoo was very determined he would achieve it.

Serenity was quite a dream alright, proven right when his juvenile tranquillity started, Clash of the Titans and World War Z came running towards him. He wanted to cry.

“Kyungsoo-aaaaaaaaaaaah~~” Chanyeol cooed, voice booming across the pacific ocean, snuggling onto his arm. It made Kyungsoo feel a little too disgusted, making the elder receive a glare accompanied by a slight kick on the shin. Chanyeol stumbled a little bit and almost fell on Kyungsoo’s roses.

What happened after wasn’t very unpredictable. Baekhyun was heaving for air as he choked on his tapioca. Jongdae wasn’t really any better and was punching the dying Baekhyun’s shoulder, mouth wide open, while Chanyeol was frozen in between what looked a lot like a walking stick having a heart attack and a beat up puppy.

“Touch that rose again and I swear I will beat the fuck out of you then castrate you and feed your fucking genitals to the piranhas in Amazon River then I will put the remaining parts of your body in a grinder and make a burger out of it.”

If they all didn’t know Kyungsoo, they would flinch and probably run away after. Do Kyungsoo, their very much of an over-achiever of a friend, was very creative with words, especially with threats and such. It was quite amusing in Jongdae’s opinion – one time his roommate would be all squishy and shit and then be murderous the next.

“Who are we planning to kill now, if I may ask?” A young boy, with light blonde hair grazed with black roots shoved Chanyeol, making the elder trip all the way down the floor, and took a seat right beside Kyungsoo. “Chanyeol-hyung I presume?” The newcomer even added without even looking at the whining Chanyeol still snuggling with the floor.

“Well it would be nice if you two hung out with us for brunch.” Chanyeol, who finally decided that the floor was too hard and a little too mossy, finally got up and took a seat across the blonde boy. “Hello to you too Sehun.”

“Well it would be nice too if I was informed.” Kyungsoo piped up, fishing his music sheets from his backpack. Scribbled on the clean sheets, were notes neatly drawn, on the sides were small doodles – from English words written in beautiful cursive pencraft to a very distinct figure of a boy that seemed to be doing some sort of forward ballotte.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

The same tune played in his head once more, as his hands traced along the lines of the sheet, with eyes closed, imagining how his notes would look as beautiful as it would sound. As if on cue, his hands started working along with his heart – scribbling notes and chords as he hummed silently in the midst of this chaos he would call friends.  He heard Chanyeol’s deep guffaw once more, maybe he needed some bass note somewhere in along that part. And then there was Jongdae and Baekhyun’s screeches, maybe some sharps too towards the end. Sehun just sighed – yes, yes, a rest would be nice as well. The next thing he knew, Kyungsoo already finished a bar line and half.

 __bass note: lowest note played*****  
sharp: makes a note higher in pitch by a half step*****  
rest / music rest: marks the absence of a note*****   
      

“Hi babe.”

The voice sounded a little familiar, Kyungsoo’s heart suddenly skipped a beat – a staccato would also be nice atop that half note. The graphite of his pencil was about meet his music sheet when his eyes decided to flutter open and meet the eyes of the newcomer – sun-kissed skin, sparkling under the beautiful sunlight, eyes cavorting between confusion and glee, smile that could battle the Northern lights. It must be nice to have a good memory. Yet Kyungsoo somehow started wishing he had a very rusty mind. Then he wouldn’t have to remember those eyes that would sparkle under the moonlight. He wouldn’t think of that bronze skin that would look so perfect in the midst of bright stage lights. And his heart wouldn’t create a tornado in his chest as he stared at that gleaming smile – maybe a staccatissimo would fit the note better.

_staccato: a small dot placed above or below a note, making it brief in duration*****  
staccatissimo: a small wedge or comma above a note that creates an exaggerated staccato*****_

“Guys, this is Jongin.” Sehun snaked an arm around the newcomer’s waist. “My boyfriend.”

Forgetting about his own dilemma, his eyes travelled across the table, meeting Chanyeol’s.

“It’s okay.” The elder mouthed, eyes almost too close to crying yet lips slowly curving into smile. “Nice to meet you! I’m Park Chanyeol!” Deep voice, once again, booming across the globe, their giant of a friend jumped towards his best friend’s new boyfriend and shook _Jongin_ ’s hand.

“Uh nice to meet you too?” _Jongin_ awkwardly shook the elder’s hand back before Chanyeol decided to make an excuse that he just got a text from Junmyeon and that he needed to cover a shift at the comic book shop. Kyungsoo knew more yet just decided that silence would always be better – especially when _Jongin_ averted his eyes to him making him flinch a little.

Overflowing with grace, Jongin strode towards him and Kyungsoo wanted to run when the boy reached to him – only to be disappointed when the hand went all the way past him and was just a few centimeters away from his beloved rose bush. “These roses look really nice. I haven’t seen them before.”

“I suggest you not to touch those.” Baekhyun, who was busy fumbling with his phone, spoke. “If you don’t want to be castrated at least. Byun Baekhyun by the way, music major.”

“Huh?”

Jongdae grinned. “Those.” The elder pointed at the roses. “Are his.” The finger moved to his direction. “Babies. And mama bear here is very protective. So you might not want to even look at those flowers, if you don’t want your genitals getting thrown in a river of piranhas. Kim Jongdae, music prodigy, always kicking Baekhyun’s ass in everything.”

“Fuck you Kim Jongdae.”

“Ew. No thank you. I’m perfectly fine-“

“With your porn?” Sehun almost fell from his chair.

“Better than Baekhyun.” The blonde boy stood up and walked towards Baekhyun, who was in the process of thinking of ways to kill Kim Jongdae without leaving any traces, and held the elder down.

“Junmoney-hyung wouldn’t be happy if you murdered Trolldae.” Sehun smirked.

Jongin’s eyes met his once more. Kyungsoo started feeling quite stuffy, drawing triangular accents over his half note a little more than necessary. He started thinking of a different set of notes, _Nocturne Op. 32_ from the ballet _Les Sylphides_ – composed by Frederic Chopin, one of his favorite musicians. The doodle of the boy doing a ballotte started moving, it did a triple pirouette, then an a la seconde, then a cabriole, followed by a set of pas de burre. He suddenly felt a little dizzy, how could such memories float around his head so blatantly? Were they really memories even? Because when Kyungsoo tried to reminisce each moment, it seemed more like a dream. It felt like a dream in the middle of a pandemonium he used to be in. A dream that ended up almost like a nightmare. Maybe it really was.

“Hi?” The familiar voice rang inside his head; the dancer on his music sheet did his ballotte once more as he heard silent murmurs and applause in the back of his mind.

“Hello.”

“Have we met before?”

_I don’t know. Have we?_

Kyungsoo looked back at his music sheet, particularly to the boy stuck in his ballotte. Beside the boy was another figure, barely visible behind the rubbed out graphite and scribbles. Kyungsoo remembered the figure holding a microphone, with notes flying around its head. The figure had its eyes on the dancer, lips curving into a smile. Kyungsoo also remembered scrawling words under the figures – _D.O._ and _KAI_. Names that had been long forgotten yet still remembered. Quite impossible they would say yet Kyungsoo had always been different.

“I don’t think so.”

Jongin chuckled, Kyungsoo drew another staccato above his eight note. “Sorry. You just seem familiar.”

“Common face.”

“I’m having a hard time believing that.” Jongin smiled once more – another staccato – and laid his hand in front of Kyungsoo. “Kim Jongin.”

There was a pause, followed by another scribble – how do you express a vivace in writing again?

_vivace: very lively and fast, with a tempo of 140 beats per minute****_

“Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo.”

“Nice to meet you Kyungsoo-ssi.”

“Hyung.”

“Huh?”

“Call me hyung.” Kyungsoo pursed his lips. “I don’t tolerate impoliteness.”

“Mama bear seemed to woke up on the wrong side of his bed today.” Kyungsoo chucked his eraser at Jongdae.

A rest was drawn on the sheet once more as soon as Kyungsoo heard Jongin’s laughter echoed in his whole being. His world suddenly stopped spinning, and the ticking of the clock was replaced by the same chords that had been playing inside his head, harmonizing with the giggles that caused his everything to stop. A sforzando was drawn as he muted every single sound except for that familiar voice complementing the chords playing in his mind.

_sforzando: makes a note louder than surrounding notes*****_

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

“Kyungsoo-ah?” Baekhyun waved his hand in front of him.

“Yeah? What?”

Baekhyun eyed him suspiciously, yet faltered when Kyungsoo just glared back.

“You are spacing out. Sehun and Jongin have to go to class. Are you not even going to say bye? Probably send your son to his classroom? I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want our baby Sehun to trip on his way, right?”

Jongdae tossed the eraser back to Kyungsoo, which Kyungsoo chucked at Baekhyun’s face. However, Kyungsoo really didn’t get half of what his friend said. His focus seemed to be on three specific words – a marcato was drawn on the sheet.

_marcato: makes a note slightly more pronounced than surrounding note*****_

_Sehun and Jongin._

Kyungsoo wanted to cry; maybe he should add another marcato or maybe a double sharp? Kyungsoo’s mind had always been sharp, top student with pictographic memory, and voice of an angel yet why did it seem like his brain somehow started malfunctioning as his eyes met Jongin’s. They were round, and reminded him of chocolates.

_Sehun and Jongin._

Kyungsoo hated those words, because before Romeo and Juliet, there was Silvia and Valentine. Before Tristan and Isolde there was Leubald. Before Sehun and Jongin, there was Jongin and Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo with Jongin, Jongin with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo wanted to scream. A sforzando would really fit that sixteenth note.

*****

_ ` A/N: Part 2 ` _

__ ` A spin off to [Sacntuary](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/497579/sanctuary-exo-sehun-chanyeol-hunhan-kaisoo-chanhun-chanlay) ChanHun-centric version of the story, but can stand alone. No need to read Sacntury if you dont feel like it, but some implied information might be a little hazy if you didnt tbh. I suggest you do but not required.  
Also, first KaiSoo fic I'm kind of nervous since KaiSoo fics just have this certain reputation I'm not sure I can meet lol but I will try xDD `   
  
__ ` xoxo - rin `


	2. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.

**Title** : Forgotten  
 **# of chapters** : multishot  
 **Word Count** : 26, 238  
 **Pairing** : KaiSoo (main) ; SeKai (side, broken) ; ChanHun (side) ;  
 **Bands** : EXO  
 **Rating** : PG  
 **Warning** : character death  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the characters.  
 **Prompt** : xx  
 **PDF Download Link** : xx  
 **Summary** : It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.  
 **A/N** : cross-posted on [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/546243)  
 **Links** :  
 **ChanHun main story** : Sanctuary - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/497579/sanctuary-exo-sehun-chanyeol-hunhan-kaisoo-chanhun-seyeol) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2904290.html)  
 **KrisHan main stor** y: Reminisce - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/598091) | LJ (not yet available)  
 **Chanhun Christmas oneshot** : Miracles in December - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/610458/miracles-in-december-luhan-tao-sehun-chanyeol-chanhun-seyeol-chanse) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2892496.html)  
 **ChanLay Christmas oneshot** : First Snow - [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/621774/first-snow-angst-exo-chanyeol-lay-kris-chanhun-chanlay) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2939865.html)

[<< ](http://rodxlyn.livejournal.com/8057.html)

_Chapter I: Shooting Star_

“Good morning sunshine!”

“Fuck off.”

“Woah there princess.” Jongdae grinned as he slid a bowl of what looked a lot like molested intestines soaked in a soup with suspicious looking floating greens. “The next time I know you’re hungover I won’t be the concerned human being I am and make you soup anymore.”

Kyungsoo just frowned at his roommate before switching his attention back to the bowl of soup in front of him. It made Kyungsoo’s stomach churn in a bad way, he wanted to puke. And the fact that Jongdae wouldn’t stop his yapping was making his already throbbing head even worse. Kyungsoo had a very rough night and he really didn’t want to deal with any of his roommate’s shit. All he wanted to do was to have his morning coffee in peace and probably jump back in his bed and savor the warmth of his pororo life size plushie.

“I swear Jongdae if you don’t stop talking I will fucking vomit in your closet and smear poison ivy all over your bed sheets.” He muttered as he tried to switch his attention somewhere else. The window seemed to be very amusing yet the morning sun just assaulted his eyes, almost as obnoxious as Jongdae’s grin at eight twenty two in the morning. Usually he would imagine listening to birds sing as the morning breeze danced along with the trees at that time of the day yet all he wanted to do was to punch the shit out of everything his eyes would lay on.

“You’re so pissy when you’re hungover.” Jongdae paused. “Well you’re always pissy, but you’re worse when you drink. Why did you even drink the first place? You and Chanyeol were supposed to be the designated drivers but both of you fucktards drank the most.”

Kyungsoo glared at the elder. He really wasn’t in the mood to talk about what happened the night before, not when all he could think about was how Jongin peppered kisses on Sehun’s jaw as the younger arched with every touch. Kyungsoo wanted to cry yet he had always know crying was overrated and he would rather smash Jongin’s face than shed a tear. Chanyeol’s trembling figure caged in his arms right after they decided to take a walk out the parking lot because the bar they were in got a little too suffocating was still very clear in his memory. Little did they know the outside wasn’t any better. Sometimes Kyungsoo really loathed having a good memory. Remembering had always been the hardest.

Jongdae looked at his friend, eyes grazed with weariness. He was very well aware of what had transpired the night before and he knew Kyungsoo would never bring anything up. He would just usually let it go but Kyungsoo was his best friend and the mess that the younger was getting himself into was not something Jongdae would just choose to overlook. Kyungsoo might have looked like he could battle the whole world with just words and glares, yet Jongdae had always known better. Jongdae had always known that Kyungsoo was as vulnerable as a newborn puppy. With just one touch, from the wrong person, Do Kyungsoo could break into tiny pieces.

“It’s none of your business Jongdae.” Kyungsoo replied, almost a whisper as he unconsciously start picking on his soup. He finally recognized that the chopped up greens were parsley and green onions – it made his head spin even more.

“Come on Kyungsoo. I know about you and Jongin. Fuck. Everybody does.”

Kyungsoo just eyed the elder. Denying would be very hypocritical yet he wasn’t exactly if there was anything to admit in the first place. _Jongin and him_ – it sounded so real yet so distant. It was almost like watching the stars sparkle in the dark, night sky smiling at the fact that those balls of air were thousands of light years away from where he was standing. Usually, Kyungsoo would find it stupid yet something about Jongin just seemed to make him forget all his inhibitions and all his skeptics.

_Forget._

The word somehow made Kyungsoo’s heart clench, hands shivering as it craved for something to scribble on. His head was almost screaming loud notes grazed with crescendos.

_crescendo - a gradual increase in loudness*****_

Maybe hypocrisy hidden behind a façade made up clandestine memories was the better choice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Jongdae.”

Jongdae watched his friend intently, eyes questioning every move Kyungsoo would make. Kyungsoo had always been secretive and remote, yet Jongdae had always been able to read the younger. He wasn’t called the best friend slash roommate for a reason and he hated how Kyungsoo would just blatantly push everybody away then act so motherly after like nothing just happened. Jongdae would sometimes say that he was getting tired of his best friend’s shit albeit he would still found himself sticking to Kyungsoo at the end of the day. Maybe it was just him and his masochism.

“You know what I’m talking about Kyungsoo. It’s not like you weren’t ogling Jongin ever since the first day Sehun introduced his boyfriend to us. You know me Kyungsoo. I couldn’t really give any more shit if you dated whoever the fuck you want but damn it, it’s Jongin, Kyungsoo. Jongin. Sehun’s boyfriend.” Jongdae sighed. He could keep talking all day but he knew Kyungsoo would never listen. He would just raise a white flag if he owned any. “Look Kyungsoo. I know Sehun is not exactly into commitment at the moment but please, just please, you have got to stop this. Or at least talk to Sehun. He’ll understand.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

Maybe Jongdae would pass by the store on his back to purchase a white flag.

Jongdae just shrugged. “It’s up to you. Like you said, it’s not of my business right?” With that, the elder walked towards the door, still in his pajamas. “I’m going to Junmyeon’s.” He even added before the door closed behind him.

Kyungsoo smirked, slightly flinching when he finally decided to take a spoonful of the soups his roommate made for him. It wasn’t that bad, not as bad as Chanyeol or Sehun’s cooking yet it wasn’t something Kyungsoo would want to eat when he had a pounding headache or maybe not even he was perfectly okay. The taste reminded him of a hot summer afternoon, humidity at its peak and tripping on his own foot, falling face first on the grassy lawn of their neighbor.

He pulled out his phone from the pocked of the hoodie he was wearing and sent a text to Jongdae.

_“Thanks for the soup. It tasted like crap but it’s edible.”_ A smile was plastered on his lips as he typed the next part of his message. “ _And you don’t exactly tell me any shit about your love affairs. Say hi to Junmyeon for me.”_

It was almost an hour later when Jongdae sent him a reply.

_“Touché.”_

*******

It started on Byun Baekhyun’s birthday party, three weeks after Sehun introduced his new _boyfriend_ to the pack. It started on that night when everybody got so drunk; nobody could even recognize the difference between hot sauce and catsup anymore. It started on that night when Minseok groggily ran to the bathroom and started throwing up, eyes and ears as red as the bottle of what he thought was catsup that he poured all over his chicken wings. It started on that night when Kyungsoo just sat in one corner, watching his friends in their natural habitat – laughing their asses off something so trivial as they poured alcohol down their throats – as he grinned and scribbled notes on his music sheets. It started on that night when Jongin sat in another corner, squished in between a drunken Baekhyun who wouldn’t quit screaming, singing songs Jongin believed never actually existed and a passed out Junmyeon, cradling a pack of chips as he mumbled in his sleep. It started on that night when Jongin watched his _boyfriend,_ Sehun, resting his head on Chanyeol’s lap as the elder ran his fingers through multi-colored hair cackling when Jongdae did some sort of  impersonation of a celebrity he had never heard about. It started on that night when Jongin scanned the whole area to look for anybody that was coherent enough for him to talk to. It started on that night when Kyungsoo’s heart stopped beating as he drew another sforzando over his half note when he watched a familiar, bright smile approached him.

“Hey. You’re not drunk right?” It was a familiar, sweet, soothing voice that Kyungsoo would usually think of when he watched the stars sparkle in the night sky, hoping for an unusual meteor that would create a beautiful white line across the heavens, giving him a sign that he still had the right to wish.

There was a nod, and the next thing he knew, they were at the rooftop of Baekhyun’s apartment sharing the bag of chips Jongin managed to snatch from Junmyeon’s deadly grip. Kyungsoo would pout when he noticed the absence of stars that night, but pouting had never been his thing.

“Well this sucks.” Raspy voice, finally, broke the silence Kyungsoo had been wallowing in the last fifteen minutes. Usually, he would hear music in everything – from the simple chirps of birds to Chanyeol getting his own limbs tangled and falling down on his face accompanied by cackles from their other friends – yet that night seemed to quiet, so mellow, it almost made Kyungsoo want to run.

“What does?”

“There are no stars.” Jongin switched his attention from the dark skies to Kyungsoo, smile brightening up Kyungsoo’s dark world. “I like stars.”

_I know._

“Really?”

“Yes. They’re pretty cool you know. They’re thousands of lightyears away from earth but we can still see them shine. Plus I’m pretty sure night sky would be extremely boring without stars in it.” Jongin sighed. “Like right now.”

“So are you implying that I’m boring you?”

Jongin snapped his attention back to Kyungsoo and started giggling. Kyungsoo almost felt like his heart was going to burst as the younger’s laugh created a static through every fiber of his being. It was too familiar yet too distant. It reminded him of chocolate and vanilla ice cream smeared all over sun-kissed skin as two boys ran around a long forgotten grassy lawn. It reminded him of an autumn morning, bowls of instant ramen, and bright smile illuminating a small fort made out of pillows and blankets.

“Hyung you’re s adorable.”

Kyungsoo huffed.

“Say that again and I will slit your throat and throw off this building.”

Jongin smirked. “Don’t care. You’re adorable. And no, you’re not boring me. I like your company.” The younger paused, eyes travelling from Kyungsoo’s round eyes to the elder’s plump lips before switching his attention back to the sky. “You remind me of a lot of things you know. Things like how I used to love star gazing, and chocolate ice cream, and kimchi spaghetti, and-“ Jongin would have kept going with his list if not for the very unusual string of light that created a beautiful contrast against the dark, cloudy heavens.

“Did you see that Jongin?”

“I think so?”

“A shooting star.”

_A shooting star._

Something Kyungsoo had always been longing to see, a sign that he had been yearning to get. Maybe he did still have the right to wish yet every time his eyes would avert to the boy on his right, he would feel his world crashing down the pit of oblivion he had been keeping clandestine deep inside his past, beyond the dark horizons of the memories he had treasured yet loathed. He would wish he could forget, yet he his heart was a little too faster than his brain.

_I wish he would remember._

“Hyung did you make a wish?”

“Did you?”

“Of course.”

“What did you ask for?”

“For time to stop ticking.” Jongin looked at the elder’s round eyes, seeking for something he really wasn’t sure about. Breathing had suddenly became harder that it would usually be as his head spun around circles of familiar yet unrecognizable feelings. It was almost like he was drowning in a trench of uncertainties and myriad of peculiar thoughts. “I kind of want to stay just like this a little bit longer.”

“With me?”

Jongin reached for Kyungoo’s cheeks, caressing the soft expanse of skin before covering the elder’s eyes with his palm. Kyungsoo started thinking of the morning sun, the spring breeze, and grassy lawns. _Nocturne Op. 32_ started playing in his head once more, thinking of the figure still drawn on his music sheet slowly coming to flesh – bronze skin that looked so perfect in the midst of bright stage lights, gleaming smile that could battle the northern lights, eyes sparkling under the dim moonlit sky peppered with luminous stars as limbs and arms swayed gracefully along the music making Kyungsoo’s heart stop with every move. It almost felt like a dream, yet he had always known how to distinguish dreams from his broken reality though he could never really stop wishing for his forgotten dreams to come true.

“Yes, with you.”

Kyungsoo felt a little empty when the palm left his eyes yet he almost wanted to run when he realized how close Jongin’s face was with his. The younger’s eyes were uncertain and speaking words Kyungsoo couldn’t seem to comprehend – maybe it was just his imagination or maybe it was his silent wish slowly coming true – his plump lips were slightly parted, as if inviting, seducing Kyungsoo to lean in and plunge into an abyss of temporary euphoria.

“Kiss me.”

Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo fell into the abyss.

It was supposed to be just a short, chaste kiss yet both wanted more. Kyungsoo would blame the cold night breeze when he felt his whole body shiver and his arms slowly snaked around Jongin’s neck albeit the fact that it was the younger’s touch that was turning his mind into a haywire. Jongin would blame the absence of stars when he saw sparkles behind his closed eyelids, ignoring the verity that it was Kyungsoo’s plump lips on his that was making him see beyond the horizon. Maybe it was just the spur of the moment, a mirage that went a little too far yet both knew it was neither more than just an imagination nor an impulse – not when their hearts were both almost racing out of their chests, creating rhythms that would harmonize along music only the two of them could hear. Kyungsoo would blame the cold weather when he curled up next to Jongin and buried his face in the crook of the younger’s neck though his mind had already concluded that he had been yearning for the boy’s touch as they laid down on the old hammock sitting in one corner of the rooftop. Jongin would blame the dark clouds, hovering in the heavens, creating a mask that covered his beloved stars when he felt like he was watching a meteor shower when his encircled his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist yet it was already given that Kyungso was more than just a meteor shower.

“Sing for me Hyung.”

“Mmhm.”

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Kyungsoo started humming the same tune he had been singing since the day where all the nostalgias and forgotten memories started clawing out of the threshold of his past. It ws the song he couldn’t seem to finish, lyrics that he could never seem to write – it was frustrating yet Kyungsoo felt an uncertain bliss every time he would hum the tune and think of stars and bright smiles.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Jongin fell asleep with Kyungsoo in his arms. For once in his life, he felt a little too close to perfection. How he really wished time would just stop ticking. It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.

He should stop.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Kyungsoo left Jongin a chaste kiss before the sun even started shinning, walking away with a heart heavy with regrets and restrained emotion.

Despite all the struggle, walking away had never been enough.

The next day wasn’t what Kyungsoo expected. He really wasn’t sure how but Jongin managed to drag him to an empty classroom in the science building and had him caged between the younger’s strong arms. Kyungsoo would blame all the running for his rapidly beating heart yet what else could he blame for the mesmerizing look the younger was giving him. Jongin’s eyes were chocolate brown, grazed with vague emotions Kyungsoo had always wanted to evade, yet Kyungsoo had always known that borderlines and limits had been drawn between the two of them a long time ago – even before _Sehun and Jongin_ happened. He drew it himself, he should know.

“Last night-“

“Was a mistake.” Kyungsoo’s eyes diverted to the ceiling. He almost laughed when he saw the makeshift solar system hovering above them – fate really had its own to its cruelness. “We should just pretend it never happened.”

Jongin hoped, wished for something else – not a pang in his chest as he lowered his arms and slowly reached for the elder’s hands. He would trade the stars just to feel what Kyungsoo made him experience the previous night yet he knew he didn’t own the stars nor did he possess anything that was even a little close to a treasure that was Do Kyungsoo.

“I’ll break up with Sehun if that’s what’s bothering you.” Jongin laced his fingers with the elder’s. “I’ll explain everything to him. Sehun and I wasn’t anything serious, everybody knows that. They would understand. But you-“

“No.”

“You’re different.”

“No.”

“You make me feel things that would drive me crazy, familiar feelings that I can’t explain.”

“No.”

“I lied about my wish.”

“No. No. No.”

“I wished for you and it was granted.”

“No! God damn it Jongin!”

“Hyung. I like you.”

“Please don’t.” Crying had always been overrated yet Kyungsoo forgot that he was still the vulnerable shit he had always been. “You can’t okay? You can’t fall for me. Don’t break up with Sehun. He seems to like you a lot.”

“Sehun doesn’t give a fuck about our relationship. We both know who he’s in love with.”

Kyungsoo reached for the younger’s face, caressing the sun-kissed expanse of skin, drawing circles down the jaw before settling his fingers on Jongin’s chin. It only took him a split second before he fell in another abyss, something even deeper than the first yet he knew he would find his way out. Just this once, the last one – he said though he seemed to have lost the sight of the light at the end of the dark path when Jongin’s lips started caressing his. With each touch, he fell even deeper, dodging the warnings his brain would throw at him, ignoring every admonition he thought he had already engraved in his head yet his heart had always been the betrayer he had never wanted.

“Let’s .. let’s not do this again okay?” was all he could muster when the kiss ended.

“Okay.” Jongin smiled.

What else could be any better than a deal sealed with a kiss?

“Yeah. Let’s not do this again.” Jongin even said when they parted, finally letting go of Kyungsoo’s hand.

They both lied.

Everything happened again, and again, and again – in between classes where Jongin would wait for Kyungsoo down the hall and drag the elder to the science building and pin him against the wall grazing his lips with a bruising kiss. It happened after Kyungsoo’s work where Jongin would sit in one of the darkest corner of the bar with a smile illuminating Kyungsoo’s whole being. It just kept happening that Kyungsoo lost track of how deep he was in the abyss losing the sight of the stars, relying on the luster of the smile he once wished to forget.

*****

“Good morning!” Jongin wanted to run when he heard a familiar voice booming in his head.

“Shut up Chanyeol. It’s too early for your shit.” Sehun groaned.

“Mornin’.” Jongin rubbed his eyes and stood up from the gray velvet couch he had been laying on, head throbbing and knees almost wobbly. “Did I like .. get hit by a truck last night? My whole body hurts.”

“That’s what you get for getting tricked by Jongdae.” Baekhyun huffed. Jongin thought about how he fell into Jongdae’s trap and had a drinking game with the elder, dragging Sehun in the misery he was in. “I had to drag your ass home, along with these two fucktards.” The elder pointed at Chanyeol and Sehun who didn’t look any better than he did.

“Ugh Baekhyun your voice is too chirpy.” Sehun groaned from Chanyeol’s lap.

“Well too bad you’re stuck with me since Kyungsoo is too drunk to take care of you three.”

The familiar name automatically drew a smile on Jongin’s lips yet guilt started creeping up on him when his eyes averted on the boy in the other side of the room. Sehun had always been a great friend to Jongin and when their relationship became a little more than just plain classmates he thought it was going to be great yet there came round eyes, plump lips, beautiful voice and loveable smile. There came Kyungsoo who just glared and threatened his way into Jongins grayscale life, adding sparkles as bright as the stars.

“Sehun-ah, are you coherent enough to talk.”

“No Jongin. I just want everybody to shut up and let me sleep. I don’t have the strength to deal with anybody’s shit right now.”

“Let’s talk here then.”

“No.”

“Let’s break up.”

“Nope.”

“What?”

“Wait what did you say?” Sehun finally got up from Chanyeol’s lap and crawled towards him. It was quite a scene and Baekhyun didn’t pass the chance of recording the whole thing.

“Let’s break up.”

Sehun looked up to him with an _O_ formed on his thin lips before the younger started laughing.

“Wait. I thought I already broke up with you?”

“Huh?”

“At Baekhyun’s party?” Sehun looked at Jongin with questioning eyes. “Riiiiiight?”

Jongin’s head started spinning faster. Baekhyun’s party was at least two weeks ago and he was more than sure that he was sober enough to remember everything that had happened that night. There was no break-up. There was just a shooting star and Kyungsoo’s pillowy lips on his. There was just Kyungsoo, and him, nothing else.

“I don’t remember such thing happening?”

“Dude. Pretty sure you were talking to the wall that night.” Baekhyun’s laugh hollered in the entire room, making Sehun flinch.

“Yah! Byun Baekhyun!”

“I’m older than you!”

“I do not care! Shut the fuck up! You’re voice is making my nerves want to punch you in the face.”

“Well you little shit.” Baekhyun was about to launch himself on Sehun who was seemed to like the feeling of the gray shag rag in the middle of their living room against his face when Jongin shot the two with a glare.

“Will you two stop? Lover boy here wants his break up.” Chanyeol smirked before picking Sehun up from the floor and carrying the younger on the couch.

“Thank you.” Jongin shook his head. “So you mean you technically broke up with me at Baekhyun’s party?”

Sehun nodded.

“So I have been single in the last two weeks.”

Another nod.

“Well shit.”

“You should go to Kyungsoo.” It was Chanyeol that looked at him with eyes cavorting from regret and fear, and something else Jongin really wasn’t sure about. “I believe we witnessed something we shouldn’t last night.  Kyungsoo wasn’t pleased.”

Jongin seemed to forget about the hangover and sprinted towards the familiar apartment a couple of floors below.

*****

__ ` A/N:`  
sorry the update took forever ,. work's just been draining my humanity and keeping me from writing anything worth reading  
so please guys, DO NOT WORK AT A COMMUNITY PHARMACY YOU WILL DIE OR END UP MURDERING SOMEBODY  
kidding 

__ ` and a friendly reminder that i wasnt exactly very coherent when i wrote this chapter  
the middle part was written while I was literally, sittiing in one corner of my shower  
the last part was written right after I took my cold medicine so I'm pretty much high atm`

_ ` i  will try and make up with the next chapters I promise ` _   
  
_ ` xoxo - rin` _

[>>](http://rodxlyn.livejournal.com/8287.html)


	3. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.

**Title** : Forgotten  
 **# of chapters** : multishot  
 **Word Count** : 26, 238  
 **Pairing** : KaiSoo (main) ; SeKai (side, broken) ; ChanHun (side) ;  
 **Bands** : EXO  
 **Rating** : PG  
 **Warning** : character death  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the characters.  
 **Prompt** : xx  
 **PDF Download Link** : xx  
 **Summary** : It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.  
 **A/N** : cross-posted on [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/546243)  
 **Links** :  
 **ChanHun main story** : Sanctuary - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/497579/sanctuary-exo-sehun-chanyeol-hunhan-kaisoo-chanhun-seyeol) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2904290.html)  
 **KrisHan main stor** y: Reminisce - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/598091) | LJ (not yet available)  
 **Chanhun Christmas oneshot** : Miracles in December - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/610458/miracles-in-december-luhan-tao-sehun-chanyeol-chanhun-seyeol-chanse) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2892496.html)  
 **ChanLay Christmas oneshot** : First Snow - [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/621774/first-snow-angst-exo-chanyeol-lay-kris-chanhun-chanlay) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2939865.html)

[<<](http://rodxlyn.livejournal.com/8287.html)

_Chapter II: Broken_

_ ` A/N: Before anything else, please do not ignore the dates. They're kind of important. You'll get lost easily if you didnt pay attention.` _

Jongin smiled as he took another step towards a familiar path in his old university. It had been almost a year since he finished college and in his opinion, his life had been sailing very well so far. He graduated with honors and got a few offers from different dance studios around the globe yet he chose to stay in Seoul, telling himself that he would rather stay in his motherland and help in nurturing the culture of dance in his country. He got a job as a choreographer at one of the biggest entertainment company in South Korea – maybe wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to him, yet Jongin considered it as a huge stepping stone. Life wasn’t easy, he had to start from scratch and all the recognitions he received from college was almost overlooked since he was the _newbie_ albeit the fact that everybody knew he was always once step ahead most of his seniors. It was quite impressive how after just a half a year, he was moved from handing out water bottles and ordering jap chae for his seniors to actually brainstorming dance steps and pulling all nighters matching the graceful movements of his arms and limbs along beats that would flow through every beat of his being. Kim Jongin earned where he was and he thought he deserved an award – an award that only one person could give him.

The hallways were dark and quiet like what he had planned them to be. He thought of how he used to walk down those corridors, along with Sehun – sometimes Yixing too – as they laughed at how ridiculous their professors’ faces were while drilling dance moves to their brain. He thought of how he once walked down the same hallway, heart beating erratically – imagining himself on stage, gracefully moving along music that had already morphed with his soul through months of endless practice. He thought of a certain night, a few minutes after the curtains had been closed, a few minutes after the applause had subsided, a few minutes after the summer musical had ended. He thought of how he held a stem of rose osiria in his left hand and a his little cheat sheet on the other as he rehearsed his speech in his head for the umpteenth time that day. He thought of how Sehun, Chanyeol, and Jongdae barricaded him right before he stepped in a certain dressing room and gave him a long list of things he shouldn’t do to their _mother figure_ accompanied by a summary of what the trio could do to him if he violated their rules. He thought of Sehun – it must be really nice to have his closest friend beside him, muttering curses, blackmails and threats as he took his way to a familiar stage yet the younger, according to Chanyeol, had already flown away, soaring above the horizon, watching over his friends like a falcon stalking his prey. Jongin thought it was deep, and creepy yet the passion he saw in Chanyeol’s eyes somehow made him a little envious. Could he love Kyungsoo the way Chanyeol loved Sehun? Beyond time limits and beyond dreams and perfection, beyond life and death.

Jongin smiled as he clutched the small black velvet box in his hand – he wouldn’t know until he tried.

2013.06.18

Kim Jongin’s heart was beating erratically as he paced back and forth the dark hallways of his university’s auditorium where the summer musical was just held. It had been exactly a month since the morning he rushed and almost chucked himself down four flights of stairs, barefoot, with a pounding headache and clothes reeking of alcohol and puke. It had been almost a month since he banged on a familiar door, screaming the name of the only person that could make his heart leap with a very homicidal glare accompanied by a death threat. It had been almost month since he slowly sat down by the door, face covered dark fringes as he poured his heart out, not even caring if the person he had offered his compassion to was actually on the other side, listening.

“Kyungsoo. Hyung. Kyungsoo hyung.” Jongin sighed as he let his body fall on the ground, eyes fixed on the on his toes. “I really don’t know what to say. Hell. I don’t even know if you’re there or if you’re listening at all but fuck I just .. I just really need to talk to you right now so hear me out okay? You dont need to talk or respond or anything just listen to me okay? I know we didn’t start as nice as I would want it to be. You were right, it was a mistake but it’s a mistake that I am willing to repeat over and over again if it would mean it would end up with you in my arms. I will be willing to commit the same mistake even in my next lifetimes as long as I know that you will be there to do it with me. Although I never thought of you as a mistake, so even if you think you are, you are the best mistake that ever happened to my life and I am never going to regret committing to you.”

“I know I should have ended it with Sehun a long time ago but I just didn’t have the courage to do so. I was too engrossed, and too happy that all I could think about was being with you again and feeling your lips on mine under the stars. All I could think about was your face and how your eyes would sparkle every time you would look up the sky and watch the stars glitter in the dark heavens that I almost forgot the there is a world outside, waiting for me to face but trust me hyung, I already fixed everything.” Jongin paused. “Well Sehun did.”

“I don’t know what you saw last night. I barely even remember anything after my third shot of tequila but all I know is that your face was the only thing on my mind last night. Hyung I just .. I just want .. I don’t even know what I want anymore .. I just ..” Jongin trailed as he looked up the ceiling, imagining stars sparkling up the dark heavens with his eyes closed. “Do Kyungsoo I love you.”

“Kim fucking Jongin I swear I will punch so hard in the gut your intestines will explode.” Jongin wanted to cry when he heard the door swung open. “Get your ass in here. I don’t want my neighbors to think that there’s a drunkard hobo outside my door.”

“An _I love you too_ would have been nice too hyung but that could work too” Jongin grinned.

“I’m not that easy.” Kyungsoo smirked. “Court me. I’m giving you a month.”

It wasn’t a challenge or a threat. To Jongin, it was more like a promise. A promise that he was more than willing to fulfill at a very timely manner – the reason why he was standing on stage, behind velvet curtains with sweaty, trembling hands and a racing heart. His mind was hazy yet every beat of his heart were only screaming a certain person’s name.

A beat started playing, and his heart started singing.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Jongin’s body seemed to start moving by itself, along with a familiar tune he had fallen in love with the first time it reached his soul. His arms and limbs moved gracefully along invisible threads of music only he could see beyond the darkness illuminated by artificial stage lights that created an astonishing contrast against his bronze skin as artificial smoke filled the stage dancing along his every move. He did a pirouette, a grand jette, a cabriole, followed by another pirouette, triple even, and a set of pas de burre he quickly accompanied with a la seconde before he ended with a bow, a ballote.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

With a racing heart, and hopeful gaze, Jongin strode towards a small figure in the middle of the auditorium. It almost felt like a dream when he was finally just a few steps away from the only person that could make his heart dance along music only he could hear. It almost felt like he was floating, with every step it was almost like he was soaring above the horizons. It was amazing yet not as wonderful as when his eyes met big, round eyes that always looked so curious yet so uninterested. Jongin almost felt like he could do anything, everything.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“How did you get my piece? I’m pretty sure I don’t let anybody touch my compositions unless they’re done.”

“I have connections.”

“Tell Jongdae he will starve for a month.”

“Sure.” Jongin took the last step towards his happiness, a smile still plastered on his lips. “In one condition though.”

“A little cocky today, aren’t we Mr. Kim?”

“Didn’t you say you like it when I’m cocky Mr. Do?” Jongin just chuckled, slowly snaking his arm around the elder’s waist, slightly tugging the smaller, pulling him closer. “And it has been a month. That _I love you too_ is almost too close to being overdue. I might start demanding for compensation.”

Kyungsoo smiled, still a little overwhelmed with the stunt Jongin just pulled. Everything got a little too hazy but he was more than glad how his brain retained every single detail of that night. From the summer musical up to when Sehun and Baekhyun practically kidnapped him from his dressing room and dragged him to the dark auditorium and stood closely by his side until the stage lights elucidated the hall, making sure he wouldn’t run away albeit the fact that it was already given that he would just stay rooted on his spot as soon as his eyes met dark orbs that quickly melted his heart.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

The beat of the music was familiar and so was the beat of his heart. The way Jongin gracefully danced along the music he created was a little too close to perfection in Kyungsoo’s eyes. With every turn, every step, every skip, his world just slowly collapsed as his heart yearned for more. Everything seemed familiar, too clichéd and Kyungsoo thought he should run yet thoughts had become greatly irrelevant the moment he accepted Jongin back in his life. Beyond all regrets, skepticism and forgotten memories, beyond the darkness of the abyss there was his shooting star – there was Kim Jongin and Kyungsoo was more than willing to let himself plunge into the darkness, holding on the single bright light that could make his heart burst.

“How could I say _I love you too_ when you haven’t even said _I love you_ first?”

Jongin’s grin grew wider. “Woah there. Do you think I’m that easy?”

“Are you not?”

“Good point. Just for you though.” Jongin cooed, pulling the elder even closer. “Just for you.”

“We’re getting a little distracted here. You know I don’t like being late as much I don’t like paying compensations.” Jongin chuckled somewhere in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, making the elder shiver as the taller drew random patterns on the small of his back.

“I love you hyung.”

Their eyes met and Kyungsoo started to think about long forgotten grassy lawns, chocolate and vanilla ice cream, ramen bowls and forts on a chilly autumn morning, ballets and musicals, fear and regrets. Maybe he should really run somewhere far where nobody would know who he was. They said Austria was a good place to go if he wanted to pursue his musical career, but he didn’t really feel like learning a new language. Maybe he should just move to Gangwon-do Islands, somebody once told him he looked a lot like a native from Gangwon, but he really didn’t like living in the countryside.

Jongin smiled, Kyungsoo’s heart betrayed him once more. Maybe Seoul was just the perfect place for him, because in Seoul, there was music, there was city life and he didn’t have to learn a new language. Yes, Seoul was just perfect because in Seoul, there was Jongin.

“I love you too.”

And then Jongin’s world stopped spinning, time stopped ticking – everything disappeared and it was suddenly just Kyungsoo and him. It was almost like that night when they first kissed. There were breezy dark night sky, stars, and Kyungsoo’s pillowy lips on his.

Their lips met once more, a little more passionate than the first. Kyungsoo’s arms snaked around Jongin’s neck as the younger cupped his cheeks, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. He ran his fingers through dark soft, dark hair, slightly tugging on a few strands as he felt the younger nipped on his lower lip, making his head spin – almost a tiny bit close to losing his sanity and with every touch, he felt like everything was just crumbling down around him.

“Ew. You guys should get a room. Too much public display of affection here.”

Jongin chuckled, and Kyungsoo wanted to hide under one of the seats in the auditorium when they heard familiar snickers behind them followed by a pat on his head as Chanyeol and Baekhyun shot him with meaningful looks.

“Pretty sure I got this room booked until midnight.”

“Sexy time in a University auditorium.” An arm was placed on Jongin’s shoulder, it was Sehun’s. “Adventurous aren’t we?”

Sometimes, Kyungsoo really regretted having friends like his.

“Shut the fuck up all of you if you don’t want me to poison your food and dump your dead bodies in the Pacific.” Kyungsoo mumbles as he buried himself in Jongin’s chest.

“Congrats though. Finally. It hurts to watch you two run around in circles every day. It makes me wanna puke.”

“Assface.” He mumbled before kicking Beakhyun’s shin. “Thanks by the way.”

Sometimes, Kyungsoo really thought he just chose the right people to surround him with.

2018.06.18

Kyungsoo wanted to rip his head off the day he receive an invitation in his e-mail. It was quite annoying with all the bright colors and obnoxiously large heading. He would have just ignored and deleted it if not for the overly excited puppy attached on his back who was merrily grinning from ear to ear when he received the message. Kyungsoo just wanted to pretend he didn’t open the said e-mail and just went on with his normal life, because really, who gets excited over college reunions?

Well apparently, Jongin did and Kyungsoo just wanted to smack some sense into his boyfriend’s brain – primarily about how boring and pretentious reunions are. People would just boast about how they married a hotel tycoon, or a hospital director, or the president of the United States. Which did not make sense at all, really, it was quite stupid in Kyungsoo’s opinion. But then again, he forgot that Byun Baekhyun belonged in his list of top ten friends and that Byun Baekhyun was twice as excited as Jongin about the said event.

“Can I just not go? I mean even Jongin and Chanyeol are not coming. Can I just be excused?” Kyungsoo whined as he tried to pry himself off of Baekhyun’s grip as the elder dragged him towards the parking lot of his apartment complex.

“Your stupid boyfriend couldn’t get a day off today that’s why he can’t come. And don’t even use Chanyeol as an excuse. That’s just low Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun sighed, eyes wavering from Kyungsoo to the dark, summer night sky. “You know what he’s going through right now. Plus I don’t think it would be a good idea to bring him to the University. You know ... memories with Sehun and shit like that.”

Kyungsoo just nodded. Using Chanyeol as an excuse really was a very low blow. It had been just a year since Sehun passed away and their used-to-be loud giant of a friend was still hiding in his cocoon of grief. The elder would only come out of his apartment when he had to go to work or when Kyungsoo and Jongin would drag him out of his bed to get some fresh air. Losing Sehun almost felt like losing Chanyeol as well. It was depressing yet life had to go on for the rest of them.

Kyungsoo became a composer – a dream he had always had every since he stepped in his high school music room and started playing random tunes on the beat up grand piano. He got offers from some talent agencies, asking him to become a singer, or at least sing an OST or two yet Kyungsoo had already let go of that dream he once had. He could not, and would never be _D.O._ Why would he? When _Kai_ had seemed to disappear from the face of the earth. Jongin became a choreographer – working behind stage lights, creating routines that could amaze even the stars up the sky.

_D.O._ and _Kai_ were supposed to be in the spotlight. _D.O._ singing songs that could make the universe resonate along with his angelic voice as _Kai_ danced along every beat, gracefully swaying his body as he lost his soul in the rhythm. Yet Kyungsoo had long learned how to distinguish reality from unattainable dreams. Kyungsoo had long learned how to separate long forgotten dreams from reality yet his heart would never fail to betray him whenever a certain dream came into the picture – Kim Jongin. The unattainable dream he had always wanted yet could never have. The shooting star up in the dark night sky, so close yet so far but fate had always had this really bad habit of playing some sick jokes on Kyungsoo.

The shooting star fell for Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo let the unattainable dream invade his reality.

Kyungsoo almost choked at the thought.

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun piped up as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “I know you don’t want to go but please don’t look like I made you inhale chloroform just to drag you here.”

Kyungsoo just smiled at his friend. “You would though. You and Jongdae would.”

Baekhyun grinned. “Touché my friend. Touché.”

It was weird how the auditorium – the supposed to be venue of their college reunion – was dark and the very sparse amount of cars in the parking lot was also making Kyungsoo start questioning the event. The fact that Baekhyun also suddenly disappeared before they could even reach the venue was making Kyungsoo’s heart race a little bit. He was starting to think that his friends grew some balls and decided that it was finally time that he became the victim of their prank. He should have known when he recognize the obnoxiously large header of the invitation looked a lot like it was freshly done using word arts and shitty photo editing skills.

Kyungsoo was no chicken. He would not back down. He would face his friends’ pranks high and proud.

The place hasn’t really changed much. The hallways were still painted boring shade of maroon. The floor was still covered with the same gross navy blue carpet that Sehun thought they should light up on fire. The huge steel door at the end of the hall still creaked like the whole building would fall apart every time it would open. Kyungsoo could almost hear the applause and praises he once received when he used to perform in their Univeristy’s auditorium. It was like strolling down the road of his University life as he took every step closer to the stage. The upper box on the left, right beside the stage, where Jongdae and Chanyeol decided that it was fun to bet on who was going to break less bones if they both jumped off without any harness . The velvet curtains that Sehun once used to wipe his paint stained hands – he was more than sure that the younger’s neon green palm print was still on there. The first row where he used to sit, along with Chanyeol whenever the dance department would host a charity event, clapping and cheering as Sehun and Jongin danced their hearts out. The third row on the right – Jongin was sitting happily, gorgeous smile plastered on plump lips as he watched Kyungsoo sang his last song during the summer musical. The stage, of course, where Jongin once stole his unfinished composition and somehow turned it into a beautiful piece of art.

It had been exactly five years and everything seemed like they just happened yesterday. It seemed like yesterday, when he watched Jongin shyly strode towards him with a stem of rose osiria in his left hand. It seemed like yesterday, when he finally let himself plunge into an endless abyss filled with temporary euphoria he couldn’t seem to run away from. It seemed like yesterday, when Kyungsoo started chasing a shooting star he knew he could never have yet his heart would never let go. It seemed like yesterday when Kyungsoo accepted Kim Jongin back in his life – throwing all the long forgotten memories, and ignoring his wishes of forgetting the pandemonium he had been lugging all his life. It seemed like yesterday when Kyungsoo let himself fall even deeper in the endless darkness solely illuminated by the luster of his shooting star’s smile – Kim Jongin.

It had been exactly five years. Right. It was their fifth year anniversary. Jongin was working and Kyungsoo was about to be the victim of his friends’ prank of the year. What a great day to celebrate five years worth of endless bickering and arguing over the tiniest thing – like who was cuter Kyungsoo or Pororo, or if Jongin should quit calling Kyungsoo stupid pet names such as honeybunch and angel eyes, angel face, angel heart or angel anything if the younger didn’t want him to be called dickhead and assface in public by his loving boyfriend. Everything was starting to piss Kyungsoo off, if not for the familiar tune that started playing out of nowhere once he reached the staircase towards the dark stage.

He really should have known better.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

“Kim Jongin. You little shit. I really should have known.” He mumbled as the stage lights elucidated the whole auditorium, a familiar figure materializing in the midst of the glittering lights – bronze skin that created an amazing contrast against the lights, smile that could battle the Northern lights, dark brown orbs that would sparkle under the moonlight – his shooting star.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Smile started curving Kyungsoo’s lips as he watched how Jongin’s body morphed with every note that once only existed in his imagination. With just one swift move, the world seemed to have stopped spinning. Everything became irrelevant when chocolate brown orbs met Kyungsoo’s round ones, screaming words of affection as he did a triple pirouette followed by a coupe dessous and a grand jete. Kyungsoo expected a ballote when the music came into a halt, because Jongin always finished his pieces with a bow yet the younger kept his arabesque, keeping his stance longer than an average dancer could as he motioned Kyungsoo to take a few steps closer.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

The same tune started playing once more, a little more upbeat with a hint of bass drum and finger snapping that almost Kyungsoo’s heart flutter along each beat. Listening to the song almost made Kyungsoo feel like he was in a different dimension as he lost himself in Jongin’s eyes, slowly letting the world disappear along the rhythm of his racing heart.

_Should I take courage and tell you?_  
My ugly handwriting, this embarrassing letter  
These four words are not enough  
Like a man, I’ll show you through my actions

Jongin’s voice rang in Kyungsoo’s head as each word, harmonizing with each beat echoed in every fiber of his being. It was almost like feeling surreal mixture of overwhelming happiness and limitless euphoria that was making his insides do some sort f whatever jumps Jongin was doing a few seconds ago.

_I want you, XO, I only have you_  
I only have you, I only have you  
For you XO, accept me  
Accept me, accept me

The younger took another step closer to Kyungsoo, still singing slash rapping, along the tune Kyungsoo had been working on for five years.

“Hyung.”

“Mmm?”

“How was it?”

“How was what?”

“The lyrics.” Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo’s heart flipped. “I’ve been working on it since last year. Sehun and Chanyeol helped me out with the beats. Jongdae helped in distracting you so you wouldn’t notice I’ve been going through your compositions again. The whole reunion thing was Baekhyun’s idea. MInseok sent the fake invitation and-”

“I suggest you stop spilling what they did just to help you out if you don’t want your accomplices to get in trouble.” Kyungsoo smiled, making Jongin flinch. “Plus those are not important at the moment. We will discuss punishments after this.”

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Kyungsoo arm snaked around Jongin’s neck as the younger pulled him closer before their lips met, music still playing in the background as their lips danced along every beat. The stage lights were flickering behind closed eyes, almost like how stars sparkled up the dark night skies. Jongin’s lips were so soft and so sweet that Kyungsoo felt like he was kissing the clouds and it made his heart beat a little too fast like it was almost like it was going explode any moment. He felt like their worlds have collided together and the kiss that they were sharing just created a big world just for the both of them. Time stood still as their lips embraced each other. For all she knew, they were the only two people on earth in that moment. Everything was right in the world. When time resumed its cruel, cruel passing, all he wanted was to be together as one once more.

“Five years ago, I did almost exactly the same thing for you – in the same exact place. Five years ago was the first time you told me love me too and I swear that was the happiest day of my life.” Jongin’s eyes looked almost like they were sparkling as he reminisced the first time Kyungsoo spoke the words he had been longing to hear. “But I know I could be happier and I want that happiness to last forever.”

A silver ring embellished with a small star shaped black onyx was slipped onto Kyungsoo’s left ring finger.

“Marry me hyung.”

And then the world suddenly came crushing down on Kyungsoo, destroying every bit of temporary euphoria as it completely dimmed the luster of his shooting star. It was almost like falling into the deep, dark pandemonium once more – just this time, without the promise of glistening light at the end. It was all just darkness, and long forgotten memories – chocolate and vanilla ice cream, forgotten grassy lawn, ramen and forts made of pillows and blanket on a chilly autumn morning, mistakes and regrets.

Accepting the unattainable dream back in his life was one thing, having it forever was just doing too much. He couldn’t let Jongin fall in the abyss along with him. Jongin was supposed to be up in the sky, shining brightly along with the other stars that he was. Jongin was supposed to be in the spotlight, dancing along beats and music, accepting applause and endless praises after an incredible performance. Jongin was supposed to become _Kai_ , the dancer, the star – the only thing Kyungsoo had ever wanted yet he could never have, not forever.

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo wanted to cry.

“You’re kidding right?”

Kyungsoo’s tears started falling, along with the memories he had tried to bury inside him – pretending that maybe, just maybe, he would forget as he slowly wished that Jongin would also remember. Maybe Jongin really should have just remembered, then Kyungsoo would not have ended up letting his betrayer of a heart take over and crash the walls he had built around him a long time ago. If Jongin would just have remembered, he would hate Kyungsoo just as much Kyungsoo hated himself.

“No I’m not. I can’t marry you Jongin. I can’t … “

“Why?? I love you. You love me. What’s the problem?!”

“I told you. You can’t fall in love with me.”

Kyungsoo thought of ending it sooner yet he seemed to have fallen a little too deeply than he would have expected. He told himself once, just a little bit more, just a little bit more time but his heart had never given him the chance to even think about the end.

Don’t always say that _there’s still time_ because there is also a concept of too late.

He would always say just a little but more, until he finally realized that maybe, it was already a little too late.

“Is it because of the culture? Here in Korea? I know they don’t allow homosexual marriage here but I don’t give shit about that! I know you don’t too! I mean fuck. If that’s the only problem then we will fly to the US. Tonight of you want. Just …” Jongin took Kyungsoo’s hand, interlacing their fingers as if the gaps in between were created for both of them fill. “Just marry me Hyung. I love you and I know you love me too. We wouldn’t have lasted five years if you didn’t right? And I know we can last longer. We can last until forever. So please … stop joking around like this. It’s not funny. Please … I love you …”

Kyungsoo bit his lips, trying his hardest to stop the tears from falling.

“No Jongin. We cannot. This is a mistake. Everything is a mistake.”

“But Hyung … “

“Jongin stop!”

“Kyungsoo-“

“Let’s break up.”

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

The song ended as the stage lights started dimming, leaving nothing but trails of tears and littered pieces of broken hearts.

****

__ ` FINALLY! I finished this after like .648732482468732 million years!  
I just really sucked at fluff as you can see, this pretty much just consists of word vomits and failed attempt of chessiness  
Anywho, I updated right? hehehe`

_ ` also, the chords was from XOXO as you can see  
I remember readings something about KaiSoo writing the lyrics for the song together so yeah I thought maybe I should incorporate it in the fic just coz` _

__ ` please dont hate on Kyungsoo btw  
he has his reasons :(  
I'll try and update as soon as possible so you guys wont be too lost lol`

_ ` xoxo - rin` _

>>


	4. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.

**Title** : Forgotten  
 **# of chapters** : multishot  
 **Word Count** : 26, 238  
 **Pairing** : KaiSoo (main) ; SeKai (side, broken) ; ChanHun (side) ;  
 **Bands** : EXO  
 **Rating** : PG  
 **Warning** : character death  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the characters.  
 **Prompt** : xx  
 **PDF Download Link** : xx  
 **Summary** : It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.  
 **A/N** : cross-posted on [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/546243)  
 **Links** :  
 **ChanHun main story** : Sanctuary - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/497579/sanctuary-exo-sehun-chanyeol-hunhan-kaisoo-chanhun-seyeol) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2904290.html)  
 **KrisHan main stor** y: Reminisce - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/598091) | LJ (not yet available)  
 **Chanhun Christmas oneshot** : Miracles in December - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/610458/miracles-in-december-luhan-tao-sehun-chanyeol-chanhun-seyeol-chanse) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2892496.html)  
 **ChanLay Christmas oneshot** : First Snow - [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/621774/first-snow-angst-exo-chanyeol-lay-kris-chanhun-chanlay) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2939865.html)

[<<](http://rodxlyn.livejournal.com/8669.html)

_ Chapter 3: Cruel _

_ ` A/N: rated M for character death` _

“Yo!”

“Hey.”

“You look like crap.”

“Gee thanks.”

“You got the call didn’t you?”

Jongin’s eyes fluttered open, the ceiling of the dance studio looked so low and the mirrored walls felt a little too cramped and a little too thin. He could almost feel the coldness of winter from the outside yet his body was sweating and his face flustered, and his heart, he wouldn’t even want to think about how his heart was leaping from his chest. He could almost hear it shattering over and over again as his mind wandered along lines he once drew in between his past and his present. The way stars sparkled behind his closed eyelids was creating a painful gush of nostalgia in every fiber of his being. He didn’t want to think of wide eyes, pale skin, obnoxious threats, motherly nagging, heart shaped lips and shooting stars – he didn’t want to think of a certain person that once became the brightest star in his universe. The brightest star that just disappeared, faded along with the littered pieces of his broken heart, leaving him with nothing but darkness and despair.

He spread his arms, feeling the coldness of the floor tickle his senses as he tried to reminisce how it felt like way back when he thought he was on the top of the world, soaring in his pestiferous ecstasy.  Tears would have fallen if not for the façade he had learned to create through years of endless pain and melancholia – he created Kai.

Kai was flawless, heartless. He was also the dancer everybody wanted yet could never have. The choreographer that could create stances that could only be done by the best of the bests. The theater actor who would only take roles that could make the whole world cry and bow before him. The artist that once broke and came back with a heart as cold as ice and eyes as dead as the black onyx ring sitting deep inside the labyrinth of his past. Kai, the persona that he created to camouflage the boy with a broken heart that would fall in a light slumber with tear stained cheeks, the boy that once fell, caught but was harshly dropped, the boy that had once loved and would always be lost.

“Jongin.” A nudge was felt on his left shoulder.

“Yixing.” He sighed. “It’s Kai now.”

Yixing just shot him with an indifferent glance. “Jongin. Kai. Whatever. You were still Sehun’s closest friend. He would love you to be part of his memento.”

Kai’s eyes fluttered close once more, thinking of a certain baritone voice coming all the way from across the pacific that woke him up at seven o’clock that morning. He would have ignored the call since it was too early for his brain to function, especially after he just pulled two all nighters to finish the routines of the play he was choreographing, if not for obnoxious gush of nostalgia the voice brought him and the fact he hadn’t really heard anything from the elder in the last few years.

“Hey Jongin. It’s me.”

“I know, and it’s also seven o’clock in the morning here Chanyeol. What do you want?”

It wasn’t the ideal way to greet an old friend yet it wasn’t exactly very ideal to contact him at such early hour either. It would usually take him about twelve cups of coffee and his daily dose of energy drink to get his mind reeling.

“I’m planning to make a movie for Sehun, like memento. I want the world to see how amazing Oh Sehun was and how unfair the world was to him, so they could learn to live their lives to the fullest.”

He could almost picture Chanyeol’s sad smile, it made him smirk. “That’s deep, but that doesn’t exactly justify waking me up too early. I’m not going to attend your premiere again Chanyeol. I’m still scarred from the last time.”

Everything was still fresh from Kai’s mind – the first and last time he attended the premiere of a movie Park Chanyeol directed. A very creepy fan of his managed to grab a seat in the front row and was groping him in the most inappropriate places all throughout the whole movie.

Chanyeol just chuckled, as he mumbled a low apology that was very much far away from being sincere.

“I want all of us to be part of it. You can choreograph; I want to be some sort of musical themed. You can also help with scrip writing since Sehun was mostly with you when were still in Uni and you certainly know dance a lot more than any of us.”

The elder said more, a lot more really, yet Jongin’s hazy mind chose to focus on a certain part of the Chanyeol’s monologue.

“All of us?”

“Yes.”

“You mean like …” He trailed as he slowly took tiny steps towards his balcony, winter breeze prickling his skin. “Everybody?”

“Yes. All of us. Everybody.” A chuckle of recognition was heard from the other line. Kai started contemplating between continuing the conversation with the elder and just jumping of the ledge and feel how his body would falsely defy space and time. “Him too.”

The winter breeze suddenly felt a little too harsh and a tiny bit close to being painful. Winter in New York had always been obnoxious yet Kai really wasn’t sure why, or how he thought about standing in his balcony, not wearing anything but his pajamas. Perhaps it was just him and his sadism. Perhaps it was just beauty of the rising sun. Or perhaps it was that small voice in the back of his head, the voice that he had been trying to lock up along with his the shattered pieces of broken heart, the voice he had been refusing to listen to, the voice that he had been suppressing and trying his hardest to diminish – Jongin’s voice. Perhaps it really was the voice, Jongin’s voice that was constantly reminding him that the winter that was Kai was supposed to end and that the spring that was Jongin would always come after to diminish the cold and decorate his paradise with chirping birds and blooming flowers once more. Jongin was a boy that had once loved, and would forever be lost.

Kai and Jongin were two different personas. Jongin was the spring that Kai had been running away from, the blizzard that had been pretending to be a sunshine that would chase Kai even in the depths of his ice cold heart. Jongin was the weakness that Kai would never get tired of running away from. Kai was everything Jongin wasn’t and Kai would never let Jongin catch up with him, because once he did, everything he had worked on would fall apart.

“Well, I tried contacting him. I just sent him an e-mail and I believe Jongdae is going to meet him to pick up some new songs. He hasn’t replied to me yet. You know how he doesn’t want to be found.”

A sad smile curved Kai’s lips, courtesy of Jongin’s memories. He thought of how he spent endless hours, waiting, hoping, wishing that his star would somehow come running back to him with his heart shaped smile and round eyes. He thought of days and nights that felt a tiny bit close to forever, spent staring at a closed door as he slowly gathered courage that never seemed enough to confront the very reason his heart was beating and broken at the same time. He thought of tears harmonizing with an infinite throbbing in his chest as the pieces of his shattered heart puncture every fiber of his being. He thought of Kyungsoo, Do Kyungsoo, the reason why he was still breathing yet barely alive inside.

“I know Chanyeol.” A dry chuckle was released as he watched how his breathe created a thin smoke that danced along the bitter winter breeze. “Trust me, I know very well.”

“So are you coming home?”

Kai’s eyes shifted to the colorful morning sky. It was grazed with different shades of yellow and orange as tinge of sky blue was slowly blanketing the horizon. Jongin had always liked the sunrises, it reminded him of new beginnings yet to Kai, sunrise was all about the endings and false hopes – nighttime would always come to succumb all the broken promises and crush the hearts of the hopefuls.

Kai was everything Jongin wasn’t.

“I have a play to choreograph.”

“Jongin-“

“It’s Kai now, Chanyeol. Jongin does not exist anymore.”

“I don’t give a shit.” Kai could picture the frown on the elder’s face. “I’m asking Jongin, Sehun’s closest friend, my closest friend. And I know you got hurt when you lost the person you loved the most, trust me, I know how it feels like. Mine is probably different from yours but it’s still a broken heart either way. I know it’s hard, but it’s been eight years Jongin. Get over yourself and stop fucking around like you’re the only person in this world that’s hurting because I swear to god, the next time you tell me that my friend does not exist anymore I will do anything to raise Sehun from the dead and make him punch the shit out of you.”

Kai couldn’t seem to formulate a coherent response to Chanyeol’s speech. It was long, longer than what he had heard from the elder in the last eight years and it was excruciating. It was almost like every single word that escaped the elders lips existed only to rub on his face what had been missing in the last few years of him, dancing along his grief.

A sighed was heard from the other line, painfully harmonizing with tiny bits of white noise and static.

“So what do you say? We’re gonna start working after New Year.”

Kai chuckled as tears slowly blurred his vision yet they never fell, it just stood still, as if it was frozen. Perhaps he really should have just jumped of the ledge, or perhaps it was really time for him get over himself and become the strong person had been Kai pretending to be.

“Fine. I’ll go home on February.”

“Make that January. Baekhyun and Jongdae are planning to do some get together party before we start the production.”

“I can’t-“

“I’ll see you soon Jongin.”

Kai didn’t even have time to respond. The line went dead.

His eyes fluttered close once more, hoping that he could undo the decisions he made that morning and maybe to also wish that Yixing, his colleague and old friend, would just disappear and leave him alone. He had spent his whole day in the studio, dancing along notes and music only he could hear – only to just always end up playing a certain obnoxiously beautiful tune play inside his head as he skipped and did a coupé jeté en tournant, a set of pas de bourrée followed by a quadruple pirouette and a manèges that he would always end with a ballote. Dancing had always been his method to get his mind off of things yet that time, even dancing couldn’t clear his mind, instead it even reminded him of obnoxious memories he never wanted to remember.

He really wasn’t sure yet it almost felt like the universe was playing some sort of conspiracy against him. Kai had always been good at forgetting, barely remembering anything yet when it came to a certain round eyes, heart shaped lips and voice of an angel, Kai couldn’t seem to forget anything. Everything, from the curious eyes from the first time they met up to the regretful gaze and tearful stare from their break up was perfectly etched in his brain. He had heard Chanyeol once said how the world was cruel and obnoxious and it wouldn’t stop just for the sake of one, yet he never failed to wish for him to just forget everything like he used to and not bear the pain of rejection and unanswered questions. He couldn’t even remember how his parents died, yet he could remember every tiny bit of detail of the person that broke his heart. How cruel and obnoxious could the universe be?

“Hey. You didn’t die on me, did you?” Yixing asked in his accented Korean as the elder nudged his shoulder once more.

He just hummed in response. He really wasn’t in the mood to converse with anybody, not when he was too busy trying to suppress Jongin who was quickly overtaking him.

“But you’re coming home right? I already booked a flight.” A sly grin curved Yixing’s lips. “Kris is paying.”

Kai cocked his eyebrow. “What did you do?”

“I sort of had a bet with Luhan. He got Kris drunk and the rest is history.”

“Aren’t they in Canada?”

“I have ways my friend.”

“You’re evil.” He chuckled. “Baek will kill you.”

“Hey, he should be happy I’m going back to Korea.”

*****

The sky was blue and winter breeze was prickling his skin. He really wasn’t sure why or how he decided to take a walk down the beach. The old ladies living by the shoreline had offered him some coffee and hot tea, which he just turned down with a polite smile. Living in the province wasn’t as bad as he thought it was, everybody knew each other and were actually nice, the breeze was fresh and the surroundings were extremely peaceful. It was hard at first but eight years was probably enough for him to get used to country life. Gangwon-do wasn’t really that bad.

He sat lay down, feeling the cold sand on his bare hands as the cold salt water tickled the sole of his sneakers. The sun felt on his face yet the bitter winter breeze was masking the heat as it danced along the thin smoke that his breath formed. It must be nice to lay down on the beach at night time, the stars would be most visible.

Kyungsoo still liked stars. He would always like stars. Stars reminded him of bronze skin that would sparkle in the midst of stage lights, eyes that would always light up with glee and innocence, smile that could battle the northern lights, of chocolate and vanilla ice cream, of bowls of ramen and forts on an autumn morning, of forgotten grassy lawns, and of broken hearts and regrets. Stars reminded him of pain and dysphoria, and pain and dysphoria was what he deserved. It was already enough that he had once broke his beloved heart, and it was a tiny bit much that he made the younger fall in love with him only for Kyungsoo to just break his heart once more. They said the world was cruel and obnoxious, Kyungsoo thought it was just him. He was cruel and obnoxious.

Life was hard, he would say before. Life would fuck you if you didn’t play with it nicely, he would even add yet Kyungsoo knew it was his own decisions that fucked him up. It was that once slip that made his world, supported by secrets and lies, came crashing down on him. It was that one wish that had screwed his everything over. People would say he still had everything – he still had his career, his friends, hell he even got a pet cat yet what people didn’t know was he had lost his everything a long time ago and that everything only consisted of one person. His everything was the very thing he could never have. His everything was a certain star he would spend eternal hours watching from afar. His everything was his only wish that could never be granted.

“Kim Jongin.” He muttered. His everything. His shooting star.

“Fancy seeing you here.” A familiar figure took a seat beside him, carefully trying not to let the salt water touch his expensive boots. “I didn’t expect you to be out in the middle of the day.” The newcomer chuckled. “Heck I didn’t expect you to be out at all. I was starting to think that you’re allergic to people.”

Kyungsoo chuckled as he quickly sat up and flicked his friend’s forehead. “Kim Jongdae. If you’re just here to annoy me then might as well just go back to Seoul, your fans are waiting for their _oppa_.”

Jongdae just rolled his eyes as he forcefully put a bonnet on Kyungsoo’s head, earning him a glare from the younger. Kyungsoo had never really liked how Jongdae just somehow started treating him like a baby ever since he left Seoul. Maybe it was the overdue maturity that his elder finally reached.

“Well too bad they’re gonna have to wait longer because _oppa_ ’s composer refused to deliver his music sheets to their _oppa_.”

“I could’ve e-mailed them to you.”

Jongdae smirked, eyes glowing with mischief. “And what? Let my competitors hijack the message? Hell no! Do you know how many companies and artists had been offering me a huge amount of money just get a hold of your location, or even just buy one of your pieces? You’re pretty much a gold mine Kyungsoo. You’re the El Dorado of the music industry right now. Everybody wants you yet nobody can find you. Pretty damn clever if you would ask me.”

Kyungsoo had been composing music in the last eight years, burning his time creating magical tunes that would make anybody’s heart flutter or break, creating love stories through notes and lyrics he would draw out from forgotten memories and temporary ecstasy he once had. He refused to let anybody sing his songs aside from the person he trusted the most , his best friend, Kim Jongdae or Chen to the showbiz industry.

“Why don’t you just sell me out then?”

“Why would I let other miners in my gold mine? Seriously Kyungsoo, what do you know about business?” The elder pat his head, mischievous grin still taped on his lips.

“You’re an ass.”

“Thank you. I get that lot.”

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Really an ass.”

“Yet people love me.”

“They only love you because you’re good at singing Jongdae.”

“Hey, Junmyeon loves me for me.”

Kyungsoo smiled. The romance between his two friends had been long overdue and he was more than glad when the two finally got together.  It was quite a battle yet happy endings would always happen to whoever deserved it and Kyungsoo was well aware that he wasn’t part of the said crowd. He was meant to be alone, wallowing in his abyss as he watched the stars sparkle from afar.

“And he would definitely love you less if you’re not going to inform him that I am very fine and still breathing. I also made kimchi spaghetti that would at least last you a few days.”

Jongdae just smiled at him before the elder started typing on his phone, probably sending a message to Junmyeon.

“Okay now let’s get you home before we both freeze to death here.”

Kyungsoo just nodded and the next thing he knew was he was already settled in his brown recliner, Jongdae hovering over him with a cup of hot chocolate in hand. He really wasn’t sure how but their conversation somehow ended up being about a certain message he received the day before. It from an unusual sender, one of the very few that he actually entrusted with his contact information yet never actually used it. He was quite disappointed really, yet he understood the reasons.

“Chanyeol sent you an e-mail yesterday.”

“Yes he did.”

“And?”

“And what?”

Jongdae shot him a concerned look. The elder was never good with words yet Kyungsoo had been with him forever and with just one look he already knew what Jongdae was trying to say.

“I’m not gonna go back to Seoul, Jongdae. I’ll write the music, I’ll even sing some songs if he like but I won’t go back. You can pick up the stuff from here like the usual. Chanyeol can do it too if you’re too busy. I just ..”Kyungsoo trailed, thought unconsciously wavering to a certain star that used to be the light of his abyss. “Not with him Jongdae. I can’t …”

“He hasn’t even said anything if he’s coming or not.”

“He would. If it’s for Sehun, he would.”

“I heard he’s busy with a musical in New York. Baek said Yixing is working with him.” Jongdae took a sip from his cup, hoping that the hot liquid would somehow help him calm himself down. “And he’s pretty much avoiding you as much as you’re avoiding him. He’s like a totally different person now Kyungsoo. Jongin had changed a lot since then. He doesn’t even want to be called Jongin anymore.” The elder chuckled. “Kai. That’s his name now.”

_I know._

Kyungsoo knew everything that had happened with Jongin. He might have been telling everybody that he already cut ties with the outside world yet he just couldn’t let go of Jongin. He would even fly to America and Europe just to watch the younger’s shows. It was heartbreaking yet Kyungsoo really couldn’t ask for more. Who was he to even ask? He was not in the place to demand. He wasn’t even in the place to look at Jongin yet he just couldn’t picture his life without the younger anymore - even if it was just from afar, it was okay. Kyungsoo would be okay.

Jongin got his dreams back – he became Kai – and Kyungsoo couldn’t be any happier.

“I’m still not going back.”

“What the fuck Kyungsoo?!”

“He can’t see me again Jongdae. I wouldn’t even take the chance of letting him see me again.”

“It’s been eight years Kyungsoo. Get over it.”

“You don’t understand-“

“Then make me.” Jongdae’s eyes were filled with anger and concern, something Kyungsoo had never seen before, it almost made Kyungsoo tremble.

In the last eight years, nobody asked why he rejected Jongin’s proposal. Nobody dared to ask why he locked himself up in his room back in the apartment he once shared with his best friend. Nobody asked why his eyes would be red and fluffy every time he would come out. Nobody asked he broke the very person he loved the most’s heart. Nobody asked. Kyungsoo thought it was for the best, yet he had quite lost grasp of the difference between the best and the worst because he knew he did what was the best for both he and Jongin yet they were both suffering. What had he done wrong?

“Make me understand Kyungsoo because nobody does. I’m your best friend and I know something is wrong. I’ve always known. I just never said anything because I know you wouldn’t let me in anyway but Kyungsoo, I can’t just watch you break like this. I want to understand why you’re destroying yourself like this. I need to you trust me.”

Maybe it was finally time for someone to know Kyungsoo’s secrets – all the forgotten memories and wishes.

“I trust you Jongdae.”

And then everything came crashing down on Kyungsoo once more as if it just happened yesterday. Memories he had wished to forget, reminiscences that he treasured yet loathed – his past, from the very time he met a boy with sun-kissed skin, eyes always gleaming with joy and innocence, and smile that could battle the northern lights.

*****

Kyungsoo was five when he first started singing, or at least when other living things, other than his pet hamster, realized that he had a voice of an angel. It was the month of February, just a few days after the first day of the Korean Lunar Calendar, when his mother first took him to his first voice lesson. His father, the proudest, would make him stand on their coffee table, holding his mother’s hair brush as he pretended he was on stage – singing his favorite songs as his frustrated artist of father clapped and cheered for him, before his mother called the both of them for dinner.  Dinner was served under a small chandelier Kyungsoo’s mother personally picked to match the whole interior of their bungalow. Their nights would usually be filled with laughter, and Kyungsoo’s singing until it was almost time for bedtime – before his mother would drag him to his bathroom and give him a lecture about how brushing his teeth every night was important. At eight thirty pm, five year old Kyungsoo should be in his bed, securely tucked under his Winnie the pooh blanket – lights off as he listened to his mother’s lullaby.

_When the baby's in his deeply nap, all seem peaceful_ _yet, noisy hoot seagulls make mother's heart anxiously.._

Kyungsoo was seven when his father told him that he would be gone for a while – that work required him to stay in the city for indefinite time. His father promised that he would be back before Kyungsoo’s first musical. Two musicals later, and there was still no sign of his father. He would call sometimes; give Kyungsoo more excuses as his mother just looked at him with sad eyes. Kyungsoo would cry, listening to his mother’s lullaby as he fell in his slumber. He was already seven and his bedtime was moved to nine pm.

Kyungsoo was eight when his father finally came home, after missing about six of his musicals. He would’ve already forgotten the man’s face if not for the pictures that were hung on the walls of their home. His father brought him toys, a keyboard, and clothes that were all a size too small – “ _Sorry I thought they would still fit you”_ the man told him. “ _It’s been a year dad.”_ He replied and ran up to his room, his father’s words vanishing in midst of the darkened hallway. How he wished the sound of screaming across his room would also disappear. It was already eleven pm and it was way past his bedtime when he felt a familiar weight on the side of his bed. Kyungsoo felt the familiar comfort yet the cracked voice of his mother was not the same lullaby he would often hear before he fell asleep every night.

_.. not minding half empty basket, carrying it on her head_ _, mother ran to her baby, stepped on a hot sandy road_

Kyungsoo was almost nine when his father came home after missing another musical, with divorce papers in hand. He locked himself in his room as he listened to how his father’s voice, along with his mother’s cries echoed in every corner of their home. Kyungsoo felt like he was falling, his heart was racing, and he felt dizzy as he pressed his small hands on both sides of his head – trying his hardest to swathe the noises from his parents’ bedroom. It was already ten thirty and his mother would usually only let him stay up a few minutes before ten, his bed time was nine thirty. His mother wouldn’t be happy if she caught him still wide awake. He should be asleep. Tears started falling as he hummed along the tune of his mother’s lullaby. Kyungsoo was almost nine when his parents broke up, along with his mother’s heart. The hallways remained darkened, and the chandelier in the dining room was never turned on. Kyungsoo was eight when he started singing his own lullaby.

_When mother went to the island to pick oysters_ _, the baby was left to go, stay in the house alone._

Kyungsoo was nine when the vacant house across the street was suddenly filled with boxes, unfamiliar faces and tiny laughter from a small kid running around the grassy front lawn. The kid smiled at him and for the first time in last two years, Kyungsoo felt happy. The grassy front lawn had become their turf, both kids sitting under an old tangerine tree with ice cream cones in their tiny hands – once chocolate one vanilla. Autumn mornings were spent creating forts out of blankets and pillows as they ate their bowl of ramen for breakfast. The two kids became inseparable. For the first time in the last two years, Kyungsoo somehow felt complete.

Kyungsoo was nine when first met Kim Jongin – the boy from across the street that had sun-kissed skin, eyes always gleaming with joy and innocence, smile that could battle the northern lights.

Kyungsoo was nine when he probably first fell in love. It was one of those nights when they would lay down, hand in hand, on the grassy front lawn as they watched the stars sparkle, waiting for a shooting star to graze the dark night sky. Kyungsoo started humming, followed with the boy letting go of his hand and started morphing his body with Kyungsoo’s voice. It was the most exquisite view Kyungsoo had ever seen in his life, and he thought maybe, just maybe, he didn’t need a shooting star anymore because he had already found the brightest star in his universe. Kyungsoo thought it was majestic and he thought perhaps he had found the only star he needed in his universe.

Kyungsoo just turned ten and Jongin was turning nine when Kyungsoo first lost his everything. It was late in the afternoon and Jongin’s mother decided to host a party for both kids – knowing that Kyungsoo’s mom was not exactly in the best condition to organize a party for his only son. Kyungsoo thought everything was perfect, celebrating his birthday with the brightest star in his universe, running around grassy lawn with small faces stained with chocolate and vanilla ice cream, laughing as if the world never mattered. It was just him and Jongin, and everything was irrelevant.

Kyungsoo just turned ten and Jongin was turning nine when Kyungsoo’s father came home once more, the boy wasn’t really sure if he should still call it a home – not when the hallways had remained dark, the chandelier was never turned one, bed times weren’t enforced, and lullabies weren’t sang.

Kyungsoo just turned ten when his father came back with custody papers on hand – stating that his mother was not deem stable enough to raise her own child. His father, a middle aged man with eyes almost identical as his, and stature molded by endless amount of office work tried to force him to let go of the people he was holding on to – his mother on his right, and Jongin on his left. He shook his head as tears freely trailed down his cheeks.

“No Dad. I’m not going with you. I’m not going to leave Mom. I’m not going to leave Jongin.”

Kyungsoo’s father’s eyes went from pleading to angered, nose flaring as he forced his small hands to let go of the two most important people in his life and Kyungsoo couldn’t do anything but cry.

“Listen to me you brat! You’re mother can’t take care of you anymore.” His father held both his arms tightly, and he almost felt like his bones were going to be crushed. “She’s not mentally stable and doesn’t have a job so as much as I don’t want another heavy baggage to drag, I have to take you with me.” The elder started shaking his already trembling body.

“Dad. You’re hurting me.” He said in between sobs.

“Sir, please. He said you’re hurting him. Please let him go.” Jongin tried to reach for his hand, only to be shoved by his father away.

“You have got nothing to do with this kid. Just go home and hide under your mother’s skirt.” Jongin’s tears were also starting to blur his vision. Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do, not when he was caged in his father’s grasp and all he could do was cry like the pathetic child he was.

“Don’t talk to the kids like that!” It was a voice Kyungsoo hadn’t heard in a while. His mother stopped talking when he was nine – severe depression the doctor said. Selective mutism.

Kyungsoo was just turned ten, and he would have smiled upon hearing his mother’s voice more, the voice that used to lull him to sleep when he was younger, if not for the fear that immediately grazed his father’s eyes. He looked up and saw her mother holding a kitchen knife, slowly walking towards his father. Jongin’s mother, the brave and kind woman that she was ran towards them and scooped her son into her arms, quickly taking Kyungsoo along as Jongin’s father ran towards Kyungsoo’s parents, trying to stop what was bound to happen.

Kyungsoo just turned ten and Jongin was turning nine when their young eyes witnessed the darkest part of their lives. Jongin’s was father lying on the grassy front lawn, bloody, and lifeless. Kyungsoo’s parents, his father sitting on the sidewalk, eyes wide open, his mother sobbing not too far away, bloody knife in hand as she mumbled words of apology before she struck her chest with the knife right where her heart lies.

Kyungsoo just turned ten and Jongin was turning nine – both children too young, yet the world really was cruel and obnoxious. Kyugsoo just turned ten and Jongin was turning nine – both children too young, when they lost the most precious thing in their lives. Kyungsoo just turned ten and Jongin was turning nine – both children too young, when they lost each other in cruelness of the universe.

****

“Oh my god Kyungsoo.” Were the only words that left Jongdae’s lips.

“Do you understand now Jongdae?” Kyungsoo wasn’t crying yet he could feel the scorching pain seeping through every fiber of his being. “Jongin and I were never meant to be together.”

****

_ ` long update is long. I know I said I wouldnt update today anymore but hey, apparently my rage helped me actually finishing this chapter up and even longer than what i expected.` _

__ ` anyway, now that I already revealed everything, please dont hate me. :((  
i also hinted some potential pairings, and secret pairing from the previous arc is: SuChen hehehe nobody guessed it right so I guess no prize for anybody :p  
I will write about them after KrisHan, and probably a oneshot for another pairing (:`

_ ` for questions about my shitty plottwist, just shoot me a comment and I'll gladly supply you with the details.` _

_ ` xoxo - rin` _

[>>](http://rodxlyn.livejournal.com/9147.html)


	5. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.

**Title** : Forgotten  
 **# of chapters** : multishot  
 **Word Count** : 26, 238  
 **Pairing** : KaiSoo (main) ; SeKai (side, broken) ; ChanHun (side) ;  
 **Bands** : EXO  
 **Rating** : PG  
 **Warning** : character death  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the characters.  
 **Prompt** : xx  
 **PDF Download Link** : xx  
 **Summary** : It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.  
 **A/N** : cross-posted on [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/546243)  
 **Links** :  
 **ChanHun main story** : Sanctuary - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/497579/sanctuary-exo-sehun-chanyeol-hunhan-kaisoo-chanhun-seyeol) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2904290.html)  
 **KrisHan main stor** y: Reminisce - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/598091) | LJ (not yet available)  
 **Chanhun Christmas oneshot** : Miracles in December - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/610458/miracles-in-december-luhan-tao-sehun-chanyeol-chanhun-seyeol-chanse) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2892496.html)  
 **ChanLay Christmas oneshot** : First Snow - [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/621774/first-snow-angst-exo-chanyeol-lay-kris-chanhun-chanlay) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2939865.html)

[<<](http://rodxlyn.livejournal.com/8712.html)

_ Chapter IV: Déjà vu  _

Kai held his breath as he walked down the shoreline; the wind was too cold it hurt his nostrils yet the view was too fascinating for him to miss. It was about six o’clock in the morning and the sun was just about to shine. The waters were painted shades of oranges as the sky danced along dark, red, and blue hues. It could have been perfect, really, if not just for a shallow feeling of emptiness he could feel in the corners of his mind that he once thought had already gotten used to. Yet how could anybody get used to the feeling of brokenness?

The sand felt cold against his bare feet as tiny waves kiss the tips of his toes and it somehow amazed him how he couldn’t even care less. He could be freezing to death and he couldn’t even find the heart to heed. He would sometimes say that he just reached a certain level of maturity, yet he knew it was just him and his lack of empathy towards himself, towards anything. It was quite childish actually – not caring neither about himself nor the world. Jongin would have flinched at the thought yet it was Kai that was steering the boat and Jongin was just a random bystander, a random spectator who had too much to say for Kai to just pass by and ignore. Jongin’s voice was still loudly and obnoxiously screaming at the back of his head regardless of Kai’s attempts of disregarding everything yet Jongin had always been good at catching up with Kai. It was almost like an endless race towards a finish line that didn’t have anything but even deeper pit of despair to promise.

The clenching feeling deep down his chest was starting to somehow fade as the sun started shinning, the stars started dimming and morning started cracking. It was quite a scene yet Kai couldn’t help but let his mind wander down roads of endless memories he would rather forget than remember. It was always that time of the day – when even the world was confused if it was already morning or if it was still dawn – that time of the day when Kai would let Jongin take over and lead him down a path he would never cross himself. It was that time of the day when Kai would let Jongin flood his mind with thoughts of wide innocent eyes, pale skin, obnoxious threats, heart shaped lips and shooting stars. It was that time of the day when Kai would let Jongin love Kyungsoo once more.

As sun the slowly illuminated the skies, Kai let his mind wander down memories that used to make his heart flutter. He would think of how warm Kyungsoo would feel in his arms on winter mornings, of how Kyungsoo would laugh whenever he would use his cheesy pick up lines, of how Kyungsoo would glare at him when he would act cutely when he wanted something, of how Kyungsoo’s lips would feel soft and velvety against his whenever they would exchange goodbyes and mutter sweet nothings on each other, of how Kyungsoo’s eyes would sparkle in the midst of the darkness of the summer nights they would spend on the balcony of their apartment – stargazing, with fingers sweetly interlaced as if the universe was created just for them to be together. He would think of Kyungsoo, only Kyungsoo. He would let his lips curve into a smile as he thought of how his heart, despite of its brokenness, would leap inside his chest as his finger slowly danced along familiar tunes that had morphed into his soul.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

He could almost hear the ocean sing as he let his body fall on the cold sand, waves completely soaking his bare feet. He closed his eyes, consciousness slowly drifting away as he let his thoughts be engulfed by reminiscence of his old love. Kai, no, Jongin, smiled once more when he felt something warm caressing the tips of his fingers.

“Kkamjong-ah!” A familiar voice rung inside Jongin’s head, as if the world was helping him remember everything Kai had been wishing to forget. He started chuckling when the feeling on the tips of his finger moved to his left cheek.  He turned to his left and scrunched his nose as he cracked his eyes open.

“Hello.”

“Meow.”

A feline, with light blue eyes and raven fur invaded Jongin’s vision. It reminded him of a cat he once admired when Kyungsoo dragged him to volunteer in an animal shelter once. He was never a cat person yet the way Kyungsoo stood in awe in front of the kitten’s face almost made Jongin’s heart drop, and the look the elder shot him just made his insides do some cartwheels and some flips. He would’ve got the little thing if it would mean seeing that look on Kyungsoo’s face on a daily basis but Chanyeol was allergic to cats and Kyungsoo had pretty much adopted Chanyeol a few weeks after Sehun passed away. Their giant of a friend somehow decided that camping in his bed for a whole straight week would be better and would only come out whenever Kyungsoo, Jongin, Minseok or Junmyeon would come over and drag him out for fresh air. Kyungsoo got tired of the elder’s shit and decided to just make Chanyeol temporarily live with them. It was almost too depressing watching their used to be overly jolly friend slowly wither into an emotionless puppet that would only smile at the sound of Oh Sehun’s name.

A sad smile grazed Jongin’s lips as he scooped the cat into his arm and started playing with its soft ears, black fur creating a soft gradient against his fingers. Sehun’s death had somehow left an invisible crack in their group – Jongdae and Baekhyun’s bickering had drastically lessen, Junmyeon had become more fussy and a little too paranoid, Minseok would spend his time alone in the comic shop, Kyungsoo would sometimes disappear in the apartment upstairs and come back with eyes shadowed with longing and hands filled with neatly folded post it notes, and Chanyeol, he didn’t want to even think about how Chanyeol was. They couldn’t even sit in their usual spot in the courtyard of their University until it was only a few months before the seniors graduated and Jongdae finally voiced out that perhaps, it was time for all of them to move on but some of them never actually did.

His thoughts suddenly flew to Chanyeol and Sehun and how his best friends spent the very little time they had together happily, only to be forcefully broken apart by fate. He was never really a believer yet if he was, he would call fate a little bitch and tell it to just go fuck itself and stop shitting on people’s lives because it’s pretty fucking rude to pry and break people’s heart for fun. He would tell it to leave him alone and just swim in a pool of lava and let him have his way to his happy ending safe and sound.

“Meow.” The small creature in his arms lifted its head and Jongin could have sworn there really was something familiar in the feline’s beautiful blue eyes.

“Hey, are you lost?” he asked, hands moving towards the back of its ear to give it a little scratch. “I’d keep you but I have a couple of dogs and Jjangah’s sick right now. He might not like it if I brought in a new uh .. brother? You’re a brother right?” He lifted the cat and tried to peak under it, somewhere between its hind legs before pouting and placing the feline back on his chest. “Sister I see. I’m sorry. Anyway, yeah, Jjangah doesn’t really like cats and he’s even moodier right now since he’s sick. That’s kind of why I’m even here and I can’t really take you back with me when I go back to New York.”

Jongin sighed, still cradling the feline in his arms.

“And it looks like you have an owner anyway.” He even added when he realized there was a collar wrapped around the animal’s neck.

“Kkamjong-ah!” The familiar voice from the background seemed to have started fading, slowly drifting away along the waves. Jongin would think he was going insane yet he had already concluded that his mind was once again, playing some tricks on him. It wasn’t the first time. It had been a common occurrence that he would see or hear anything related to Kyungsoo whenever Kai would let him take over.

“Kkamjong-ah!” He would cringe at what the voice was saying – thinking that it was an extremely annoying _pet name_ Sehun thought was obnoxious enough to be his nickname in college. He would have smacked his best friend if the younger just didn’t run behind Kyungsoo and Chanyeol and used both elders as a shield, and Junmyeon hissing both of them to shut up and let him enjoy his cup of tea in peace.

“Kkamjong-ah!” He smiled as he looked back up at the sky, quickly standing up and wriggling his feet a little to shake off some sand to continue his walk down the beach, letting the voice fade into the brightness of the morning sun.

The sun finally rose, his smiled was replaced but a bitter smirk and eyes filled with coldness of his never ending winter.

“Let’s go find your owner.”

*****

“JONGDAE!”

“Mmm?”

“My cat is missing!”

“Okay?”

“Jongdae!”

“Mmm?”

“I said my cat is missing!”

“Okay?”

“Kim Jongdae!” He yelled once more, voice climbing up a few more octaves.

“Yah! It’s six o’clock in the morning Kyungsoo. Stop yelling” Jongdae groggily muttered, trying to keep his sanity intact. He was still tired from his schedule from the previous day and was just finally getting his rest when his best friend, the great Do Kyungsoo, called him at shit o’clock in morning and started yelling and he could have sworn he heard some sobs somewhere along the line. And if not for the pair of eyes that was watching him from across the room, he would have hanged up after the first ten seconds. It was way too early for him to deal with Kyungsoo’s whining yet Junmyeon had somehow got woken up and was giving him sharp looks.

“You don’t understand Jongdae!” Kyusngoo whimpered making Jongdae’s face scrunch in annoyance. The younger could really get tremendously aggravating sometimes. “Cat. My only companion. My Best friend! Not here. I can’t find her. I’m freaking out!!!”

“You don’t say.” He snarked, earning him an annoyed scoff from the other line and a smack on the back of his head from Junmyeon. “Fine. It’s a cat Kyungsoo for heaven’s sake. It’ll come back. And the fuck Kyungsoo? I’m your best friend!”

“But Jongdae!!”

Jongdae let out an exasperated sigh, giving up on staying sleepy and started rubbing his eyes awake. It was very clear that Kyungsoo had grown very fond of the feline the younger had adopted before he moved to the province and Jongdae figured that arguing would just be very futile and that entertaining his friend’s whining was the best way to make it stop.

“What do you want me to do?!”

“Help me! I already looked for her everywhere! ”

“How am I gonna help you?! I’m Seoul and you’re in the middle of nowhere!”

“Call the cops or something! I don’t know!” He really could swear he heard some sniffles and sobs from the other line. “Just help me.”

“Again.” Jongdae sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s a cat Kyungsoo. She’ll probably come back when she’s hungry. It’s not the first time she ran away.”

“BUT JONGDAE WHAT IF SHE GOT HIT BY A CAR? OR GOT EATEN BY WILD ANIMALS? OH MY GOD OR WHAT IF-“

Jongdae heard something rang from the other line – the doorbell maybe and Jongdae somehow started thinking how the fuck people could function that early in the morning. Even Junmyeon had already fallen back to sleep after he mouthed assurance that he would cater to whatever Kyungsoo was whining about.

“Kyungsoo the door.”

“WHAT IF SHE DROWNED IN THE OCEAN JONGDAE!”

“Kyung-“

“WHAT IF-“

“Yah! Do Kyungsoo!”

“What?!”

“Get the fucking door. The doorbell’s been ringing.”

“Oh.” The younger paused. “Okay once sec. Don’t go okay? I’ll just check it real quick. I’ll be right back.”

Jongdae hung up, throwing his phone across the room and snuggling close to the warm body pressed on his side. He could just buy a new phone later, probably a new best friend too – preferably someone that doesn’t start whining until after three o’clock in the afternoon.

*****

Kai put his earphones on, waiting for his phone to give him directions as he put his boots back on, cat amazingly not moving on his shoulder. It turned out that the address engraved on the feline’s collar wasn’t really that far from the beach but Kai wasn’t really local and he had always mistaken east from west. After a few lefts and rights, he found himself awkwardly staring at a plain oakwood door with a brass knob that shaped like a musical note. On his left was a rose garden filled with different kinds of hybrid tea roses surrounding a pathway that lead to an arch covered by a very familiar breed of hybrid tea rose.

It had one of the most exquisite combinations of colors – its petals were blood red on the inside and chaste silvery white on the outside.

_Hybrid rose osiria._

His eyes switched to the sky, and then to the cat in his arms, and back to the roses. He thought how ironic could his life be with all the things that had happened to him that morning. It would be tremendously funny if the owner the cat was actually the very person he had been both chasing and running away from. Kai would laugh so hard if the owner of the house in front of him was the same paradox that Jongin and Kai had been dancing in the endless race he would sometimes call life – most of the time he would call a shithole.

He chuckled. Who was he kidding?

The button on the right side of the door was pressed, signaling a loud ringing sound echoing throughout the entire house. Kai would have left when nobody answered the door a few minutes after he rang the doorbell yet the way the feline in his arms purred somehow melted the ice that had encased his heart.

“Just one more okay? If not. I’ll take you home for today then take you the shelter tomorrow? Okay?”He muttered, burying his face in the soft raven fur as he pushed the doorbell once more. The same ringing sound echoed once more, only then he heard some shuffling and finally, the brass knob turned before the oakwood door cringed and slowly swung open.

“Sorry. I was on the phone. How can I help-“

A small figure, with raven hair, round puffy eyes, perfect nose, perfect lips, perfect everything stood in front of Kai – mouth almost hanging open, eyes swimming with different emotions he couldn’t seem to comprehend. Perhaps fate really did exist, and it was the exact little shit Kai had always pictured it to be. Really, he would laugh so hard his insides would hurt if not for the lump that had somehow formed in his throat as continuously released sighs that could battle the deepness of the oceans. He once questioned how ironic could his life be and this little shit people called fate had somehow decided to slap irony right in his face and probably even rubbed it quite a few times just to make sure Kai had gotten the idea.

“You?” The small figure’s voice shook, eyes widening even more every second. “What … why …”

“Paradoxes.” He whispered, not even letting the other finish the question. “And you know? This little shit people call fate. It’s pretty fucking ironic really.” He smirked, slowly picking up the composure he had somehow dropped as soon as the door cracked open. “It’s been a while Hyung.”

Kai licked his lips, trying his hardest to cage Jongin that was screaming wildly at the back of his mind. He almost thought he was going to go insane. His heart was almost leaping out his chest, his insides clenched, and his soul felt like it was about to explode. Kai thought he should run away yet it seemed like his body had been frozen as listened to how the pieces of his broken heart clutter inside him.

“Jong-“

“Kyungsoo.” He mumbled, cutting of the other’s elder’s words. The name slipped through his lips a little too gently and Kai felt like he was going to burst. Cluster of emotion swimming through every single corner of his being, creating a thread of endless feelings he couldn’t seem to discern. It had been a while since he let lips move to speak the said name and Kai never thought it would feel as if he was falling in a pit of clusterfuck he thought had been long locked up in his past. He sighed, trying his hardest to hold on to his façade. “It’s Kai now.”

“I … I know.” The elder stuttered, looking at him with eyes filled with helplessness.

He felt his insides clench once more when he realized that their eyes never left each others’ the moment the gazes locked. It was almost as if both of them were seeking some sort of unspoken words and misheard feelings deep inside their souls. Kai was afraid that Kyungsoo might see through his façade yet he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes from the same exact paradox that had never left his mind throughout the years. It could be his masochism and lack of empathy yet Kai couldn’t do anything but keep seeking, running towards the finish line Jongin had been dragging him to.

Kyungsoo wasn’t any better, perhaps even worse. His whole body was shaking, palms sweating and he could almost feel every bone in his body shatter as his knees started wobbling beneath his weight. He wanted to run, back to the trench he had enclosed himself into yet his body felt like it was rooted on where he was standing. Every single movement he made felt heavy and painful like he was going to explode. He wanted to ask _why, how_ yet he had always known that he had lost his right to question life the moment he broke his beloved’s heart once again. Tears would have fallen if not for the shock that was still lingering in his core. He would feel his cropped nails digging in his palm as he clutched his hands into a fist.

“Meow.”

Both males could almost hear something shattering in the cold winter breeze.

Kai faked a cough as he switched his eyes to the feline he was still cradling in his arm. Its raven fur brushing on the back of his hands as its light blue eyes watched how the small figure across them almost burst into tears.

“I think I found something of yours?”

Kyungsoo bit his lips, tears freely flowing down his cheeks as he stretched his lips into a smile.

“Kkamjong-ah …” Kyungsoo almost sobbed as he took the feline into his arms, its deep midnight fur creating a distinct contrast against his pale skin as he fiddled with its soft ears before giving it a rub on the back of its head. “I was so scared you got hurt. I thought I already lost you too.”

His friends would say it was just cat but to Kyungsoo, Kkamjong was a companion that would always and forever remind him of the beautiful memories he still couldn’t decide if he wanted to forget or remember. It was the same exact feline he had adored at the shelter he used to volunteer in, and really, he only liked the cat because it reminded him of Jongin – from its sharp eyes, graceful movements and awfully good ability to trick Kyungsoo into giving in to its cuteness.

Kai watched the elder cuddle with the small creature, and he thought the view was undeniably adorable. His heart somehow started fluttering, despite its brokenness, as if he was once again, flying in cloud nine. He watched how Kyungsoo’s eyes sparkled, reminding of wishes and shooting stars. He listened to how Kyungsoo cooed, reminding of the times when the elder used to whisper sweet nothings before they went to bed at night. He observed at how Kyungsoo’s fingers caress the back of the cat’s head, reminding him of how warm the male’s hands felt against his skin when they would make love under the glittering night sky. He gazed at Kyungsoo’s lips, plump and still as perfect as it was before, and Kai thought the memories of how soft and velvety those lips felt against his were almost too vague for him to remember. Jongin thought, perhaps he should remind himself of how it used to feel like kissing the person he loved.

Kai could almost feel winter melting into spring as stars sparkled behind his closed eyelids, almost exactly as they did before – just this time, a little dimmer, a little more broken yet still sparkling and Kai somehow thought he wouldn’t ask for anything more.

He was supposed to hate Kyungsoo. Loathe the male for making him fall so deep, pretending he would catch him yet just dropped him without any word. Jongin was supposed to abhor even just the mere presence of Do Kyungsoo yet he couldn’t seem to find the heart to even be angry at the elder. Kyungsoo was still the reason why his heart was broken it was also already implied that Kyungsoo was also the very same reason why his heart was still beating. Jongin’s heart might be broken but it was still beating.

And then Kai realized that it had never been just Jongin that still wanted Kyungsoo. It wasn’t just Jongin was still willing to run the endless race towards an obnoxiously cruel finish line. Jongin was the boy that had once loved and would forever be lost yet Kai was never any different. Kai was everything Jongin wasn’t yet Jongin was still Kai, and Kai was still Jongin. Kai was just a persona Jongin had created in the midst of melancholia to hide behind a broken façade that was never actually any better than the real him. Kai was just a façade, and beyond the coldness of his winter there was still the spring that was Jongin, wishing upon shooting stars for his love to come back and mend his broken heart. And then all of a sudden, Kai just somehow faded into the darkness.

Another smirk was drawn on Jongin’s lips, eyes somehow twinkling with amusement.

“Kkamjong?” He smiled, a real one. The one that Yixing once said he would pay a thousand dollars just to see again. Who knew that the very reason he lost the same smile would be same cause for it graze his lips once more. “Really? Of all names?” He even snorted and could swear Yixing and Luhan would pay a million bucks just to see it.

Kyungsoo looked up to the younger with eyes cavorting between confusion and bewilder. He cocked his head a little just to make sure that he wasn’t just seeing things. He knew that smile, the smile that had been the reason why he was travelling from places to places, across countries and oceans just to watch every single one of Kai’s performances. Standing in front of him wasn’t Kai, it wasn’t the choreographer that everybody wanted, not the dancer that could soar onstage with a smirk taped on his lips and cold stare grazing his eyes, not the theater actor that would only take roles that could make the world cry and bow before him.

“Jongin I..” He trailed, just to make sure if the younger would not correct him like he would usually do whenever anybody would call him his real name.

“Reall Kyungsoo? Kkamjong? Of all names.” Jongin chuckled. “I swear to god. Sehun needs some beating for this.”

Even Jongin was surprised how comfortable he was around Kyungsoo. It was almost like nothing had happened and all the pain and suffering he went through were all forgotten, locked up in a box and thrown in the deepest, darkest corner of his mind. Perhaps he should starting asking questions of why their fairy tale of a love story had somehow turned into the worst nightmare Jongin ever had yet he couldn’t seem to give another shit about the past and all he wanted to was to remind himself of how Kyungsoo’s lips feel against hip, or how Kyungsoo’s small body feel in his arms, or how Kyungsoo’s voice would sound like as the elder lull him to sleep. All that Jongin could think about was Kyungsoo, and the past could just go fuck itself along with fate – the same exact reason why he had always been afraid to see Do Kyungsoo once more. Because with just one look, he knew he would just fall even deeper. Call him insane or even a moron, but Jongin would just smile and just say, _you get insanely stupid when you fall in love_.

Kyungsoo just stared at the younger, heart racing as confusion fill his entire being. Why was Jongin being like that with him? Like nothing had ever happened. Jongin should hate him, loathe him for breaking his heart yet all he was doing was smiling and joking around with Kyungsoo as if the elder didn’t break him at all. Kyungsoo was confused, and Kyungsoo wanted to push Jongin away yet he couldn’t seem to find the courage to utter words that would break Jongin even more. He would think everything was just a pretense yet Kyungsoo knew Jongin more than anybody and he knew Jongin was incapable of deceit, and unlike Kyungsoo, Jongin had always been delicately genuine.

“Well it suits her.” Kyungsoo’s eyes waver, shifting his eyes to the feline that was comfortably cuddling in his arms. “And she re-“

“Hyung …” Jongin whispered. “Look at me.”

“She reminds me of-“

“Hyung..”

“Jongin…”

“Kyungsoo look at me.”

“No.”

“Kyungsoo..”

“Jongin I said no.”

“Hyung please..”

Kyungsoo suddenly felt a little too nostalgic. It was almost like he was thrown back to that day when Jongin dragged him to the empty room in the science building where a make shift solar system was hanging from the ceiling. That day when he tried his hardest not to let both them fall yet all he could do was shed tears and take Jongin’s hand and watch both of them fall in despair. It was almost like a déjà vu just this time he couldn’t seem to find any resistance from himself.

In the eight years that they were apart, Kyungsoo never made any effort to move on yet he had been trying to drill in his brain that Jongin and he were never meant to be together. Every single day he would think of that day when he just turned ten and Jongin was about to turn nine and all the darkness and pain that came along. Every single day he would spend endless hours thinking of how much he had hurt Jongin and that he would never deserve Jongin’s love. Perhaps it was just him and his phony beliefs, him and his hypocrisy. He might think and that Jongin and he were never meant to be together but it was never given that they shouldn’t be. Perhaps fate really was a little shit Jongin had said it was.

Jongin took Kkamjong from his arms and instructed it to go back in the house before cupping Kyungsoo’s chin and forcing the elder to look him the eyes. Jongin’s orbs were boring through his soul and he felt like he was drowning the best kind of drowning and he couldn’t do anything but just let himself fall once more, dodging all the warnings his brain would throw at him, ignoring all the admonitions he once thought he had already engraved in his head yet it was already set that his heart would always be the betrayer he never wanted.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Jongin hummed before their lips met again, for the first time in eight long years and Kyungsoo thought everything was just perfect – not exactly ideal but perfect. Every move of their lips were shadowed by their past, dimmed by secrecy and unspoken truth yet the both couldn’t seem to care less. When Jongin grazed Kyungsoo’s lips with tongue, asking for entrance, Kyungsoo didn’t even have to think twice. His left hand quickly reached for the younger’s hair, entangling each digit with the dark strands, gently tugging, as his right went and looked for Jongin’s left and sweetly interlaced their fingers as if the gaps in between were made for them to fill. The winter breeze was harsh and cold yet Kyungsoo couldn’t feel anything else aside from how soft, warm, and unbearably familiar Jongin’s lips felt against his and how his whole body felt like it was going to collapse any second. His skin started feeling warm under Jongin’s touch and he would scream so loud if  his mouth wasn’t just preoccupied but Jongin nibbling on his lower lip before they finally parted, both grasping for air.

“Jongin I-“

“If you’re gonna tell me to not do this again, I swear to god I don’t know what am I gonna do.” Jongin chuckled before placing a chaste kiss on his lips. “I’m not exactly good at death threats unlike some people but fuck I’m gonna be really mad if you told me to stop because I’m pretty fucking sure you enjoyed it too. So why don’t you just thank me for finding your cat and maybe make me some food like one of those cheesy movies you like to watch.”

Kyungsoo grinned, moving his hands to the younger’s cheeks, caressing the sun-kissed expanse of skin.

“I was going to say I missed you.” He pouted. “And those movies are not cheesy. They’re sweet.”

“Well I missed you too.” Jongin whispered before wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo, not legging go of the elder’s hands. He never thought that meeting Kyungsoo once more would end up that way, but really, Jongin wouldn’t have it any other way – unless the other way would include rainbows and shooting stars then he wouldn’t say no. “Now how about my food? I haven’t had breakfast yet.”

****

_` A/N: long chapter is long .. yes i know .. i could have been longer if i wasnt rushing ` _

__`` unbeta-ed .. unedited .. un-everything .. i havent read this yet so expect a lot of loopholes  
I'll reread later after work if I'm not dead enough to function. i just really wanted to update today coz it's been exactly a month.  
Questions? A lot? Confused? I know. Shoot me a message or leave a comment. I'll gladly supply you with the details. 

_` also for those who care enough about Sehun, please do check out this post: [THE IDOL KILLER KIM YEOSHIN](http://www.asianfanfics.com/blog/view/768443) ` _

_` and to everybody, please do pray for Super Junior's Leeteuk and his famly. ` _

_` xoxo - rin ` _

>>


	6. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.

**Title** : Forgotten  
 **# of chapters** : multishot  
 **Word Count** : 26, 238  
 **Pairing** : KaiSoo (main) ; SeKai (side, broken) ; ChanHun (side) ;  
 **Bands** : EXO  
 **Rating** : PG  
 **Warning** : character death  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the characters.  
 **Prompt** : xx  
 **PDF Download Link** : [Forgotten](https://www.dropbox.com/s/5a9ogueejn9c159/Forgotten%20by%20Aeolus003.pdf)  
 **Summary** : It was asking for too much yet Jongin believed it wasn’t wrong to wish, to hope, that maybe, just maybe his dreams would also come true. Whereas Kyungsoo had never really settled on what he really wanted. He wished for him to remember yet he was also wishing that they could just both forget – both leading to a dead end romanticists would call a heartache.  
 **A/N** : cross-posted on [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/546243)  
 **Links** :  
 **ChanHun main story** : Sanctuary - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/497579/sanctuary-exo-sehun-chanyeol-hunhan-kaisoo-chanhun-seyeol) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2904290.html)  
 **KrisHan main stor** y: Reminisce - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/598091) | LJ (not yet available)  
 **Chanhun Christmas oneshot** : Miracles in December - [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/610458/miracles-in-december-luhan-tao-sehun-chanyeol-chanhun-seyeol-chanse) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2892496.html)  
 **ChanLay Christmas oneshot** : First Snow - [AFF](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/621774/first-snow-angst-exo-chanyeol-lay-kris-chanhun-chanlay) | [LJ](http://sonyeoncheonji.livejournal.com/2939865.html)

[<<](http://rodxlyn.livejournal.com/9147.html)

## 

##  _ Chapter V: Forgotten _

`A/N: HAPPY KAISOO DAY!`

Kyungsoo could almost swear he could see stars behind his close eyelids as Jongin pushed him against the oakwood door that was just slammed shut. His body squirming under every single flutter of fingers on his bare skin as the younger slipped his hands under the hem of his shirt, caressing the pale breadth of skin before pulling the clothing over Kyungsoo’s head. An intense shiver ran through his spine when Jongin attached his lips on Kyungsoo’s neck, nibbling on the pale skin before twirling his tongue on the mark and smirking, as if the younger was taking proud of what he had done. Kyungsoo’s head spun as he let his hands wander down Jongin’s bare chest, fingers lightly scraping the sun-kissed skin making the younger whimper under his touch.

“Hyung..” Jongin moaned against Kyungsoo’s ear when his body arched against the younger’s touch and Kyungsoo could almost feel his insides exploding. “Can I?” Jongin even added as soon as the younger got on his knees and lightly traced the tent that formed on Kyungsoo’s pajama pants. Chocolate brown orbs were boring through his soul, as if trying to read through all his thoughts, through his deepest and darkest secrets and Kyungsoo couldn’t even find himself caring. With just one touch, Kyungsoo’s inhibitions and fears had somehow been thrown deep inside his abyss, covered by overwhelming feeling of ecstasy as he felt Jongin take his everything. His knees wobbled under his weight as he grasped on Jongin’s raven hair, harshly fondling with the locks as he watched the younger move beneath him, drawing patterns on his pale legs as he screamed in pleasure.

“Where’s your room?” Jongin’s voice was the last coherent memory Kyungsoo had before he found himself on his bed, chocolate brown orbs, grazed with lust and longing hovering above him as he felt his whole body shudder under the younger’s touch. Jongin smirked, eyes twinkling with desire before Kyungsoo grabbed the other’s nape and smashed their swollen lips together. He could almost hear his heart leap inside his chest as their lips danced along the music of their overdue melody. The sound of two bodies colliding rang inside his head, drowning every single thought, only leaving the ones with shooting stars behind Jongin’s sultry eyes before his conscious had turned blank when he felt something twitching inside him. He let out a loud groan.

“Fuck. Do that again.” Kyungsoo watched how Jongin’s lips drew another smirk at his words, slowly and excruciatingly moving his fingers inside the elder.

“Eager, aren’t we?” He almost reached his end with the sound of the younger’s voice, sweetly morphing with the music of their beating hearts. “Just a little bit more okay? I know you haven’t done this in a while. I don’t want to hurt you.” Jongin hummed, twitching his fingers once more as he nipped on Kyungsoo’s ear, sucking the pale skin under it before he captured the elder’s lips in a sloppy kiss, tongues colliding as both fought for dominance.

A trickle of sweat trailed down his bare chest as he felt Jongin’s body molded with his, thinking that perhaps shooting stars were made for them to be together. He could almost feel copper on in his mouth as he bit his lip, trying to suppress a scream of pain mixed with limitless pleasure. He would shut his eyes if not for the alluring chocolate brown orbs that was still boring through his soul, chasing him out of the abyss he had once locked himself into. His fingers travelled down the younger’s spine, scraping the expanse of bronze skin, leaving a trail of red marks as Kyungsoo finally let out a scream filled with ecstasy.

Kyungsoo’s voice echoed inside Jongin’s head, mind hazy with pleasure and desire as he plunged even deeper into the elder. He could almost see shooting stars in Kyungsoo’s wide eyes yet he thought perhaps it was just a reflection of his because he was pretty fucking sure that shooting stars were created just for him to make love his beloved. He felt himself twitch, letting himself get engulfed by Kyungsoo’s warmth, completely letting go of all his restrictions as he fell deeper into the trench he had once ran away from. The race that he once thought offered nothing but dysphoria had ended up giving him bliss. And Jongin could swear he could hear his voice echoing along with Kyungsoo’s as both reached their paradise together, hand in hand, with nothing but wishes, shooting stars, and their broken hearts.

*****

Jongin panicked at the sight of an empty bed when his eyes fluttered open. There was no warm body caged in his arms, nor was there any sign of movement found inside the room. His mind suddenly wandered down roads filled with hazy misery and sinister. The coldness of winter started sending chills to his core as he pondered on how shallow he felt as he stared at the empty spot beside him. Perhaps everything that had happened was just a dream. A mirage that fate decided to let him have, a temporary bliss that would just send him even much deeper down the pit of his despair. He knew Kai wouldn’t even bother yet he couldn’t seem to find any trace of the persona he had created deep inside him.

The ceiling above him was white and plain and Jongin thought it was miserably bright for his eyes to take. He let his eyes travel around the unfamiliar room, taking every single corner of it in as he tried and reminisce what had just transpired. Fate and paradoxes were the only two words he could think of. Running around circles, chasing each other down endless paths that all lead to uncertainties yet Jongin had always known that between him, and his love, uncertainties would always be inevitable. It could have been just him, really, and his silent wishes upon shooting stars that he never thought would actually come true. Perhaps it was a long overdue second chance the universe had decided he needed the most.

He felt a small movement on the foot of the bed and a smile grazed his lips when a familiar feline greeted him with a purr.

“Hello there.” He cooed as he picked up the cat and cradled it in his left arm as he picked up the underwear he found neatly folded on the night stand. Right beside it was a small note that made Jongin’s smile even wider as he looked at the familiar pencraft.

_Making lunch <3_

Two simple words and a stupid heart – Jongin thought and he could almost feel tornados of butterflies in the pit of his stomach. He would scream if he didn’t just realize that he was a thirty something year old man and that screaming over a love note was done by love struck teenagers. Smile, just a smile, a grin perhaps, grin is good. Grinning like a love struck puppy is good. Biting his lip to suppress a very _manly_ scream is good. Everything is good. Kyungsoo and he were together once more. No, everything is more than good. Everything is great. Everything is perfect.

It was already half past eleven when he decided that he was calm enough and come out of the room – about fifteen minutes after he found the note, five minutes after he started rolling around the bed, grinning like an idiot and two minutes after he realized that he was acting like a total dumbass. And really, he would go run back in the room and do the exact the same thing when he saw a small figure in the kitchen, cutely humming along familiar tune he had always known by heart. Jongin watched the figure fluidly move around the kitchen, setting up plates and bowls, smiling at the aroma of his cooking and Jongin thought his heart was going to explode.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

“Oh hey. You’re up.” The figure stopped humming and smiled at him, apron wrapped around its waist and face eyes sparkling in the midst of his winter morning. If it wasn’t for the overwhelming glee seeping through every cell in his body, he would really scream like a teenage girl – ignoring the fact that he was a thirty something year old man and that it would be extremely awkward if he started fanboying and jumping around while clapping his hands like a retarded seal. He tried settling with a poker face that knew looked a lot like he was constipated.

“Ah yeah.” He cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly before walking towards the other male and giving it a light peck on its full lips and snaking his arms around the elder’s wasit. “Why didn’t you wake me up? I could’ve helped you cook Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo almost grimaced at the younger’s question, prying himself off of Jongin’s embrace. Jongin could battle Chanyeol and Sehun in setting things on fire. Baekhyun once called the three the _pyromaniac trio_ and Kyungsoo would never let any of those three near his kitchen ever again.

“Uh no. I just tricked Jongdae and Junmyeon into paying for the renovation of my kitchen and I am not letting you set anything on fire today.”

“Excuse me. I’m a pretty decent cook.” Jongin released on offended scoff.

“Really?” Kyugsoo cocked his eyebrow. “Remind me again of the last time I let you help me cook? You dropped a scorching hot baking pan on Jongdae’s foot and set your apron on fire two minutes later.”

“But-“

“Jongin. No.”

“I’ve been living by myself in the past years and am fully capable of preparing my own meals. Thank you very much.”

Kyungsoo chuckled, letting his body, along with his heart, fall onto Jongin’s as the younger pulled him in again in a tight hug, chin resting on his shoulder, swaying both bodies along music only they could hear.

“I know Yixing cooks for you in New York and you spend so much money on fast food you can buy five McDonalds franchise.”

Jongin scoffed once more, pulling the elder in one of the chairs with him and started munching on the side dishes. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that and that I am not totally offended by your words just because your food tastes too good.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile as he watched the younger’s face lit up with every bite. Cooking for Jongin had always been his favorite thing to do and the memory of how it felt was almost too vague for him to remember yet the fluttering in his chest was quickly reminding him of the things he had once chose to give up. He could almost feel regret clawing through his soul yet the same smile that could battle the northern lights was somehow pulling him away from the despair he had once found solace in and Kyungsoo thought that perhaps, it was time for him to finally let go.

“You’re such a kid Jongin.”

Jongin just grinned and stuffed three pieces of meat in Kyungsoo’s mouth, making the elder shut up.

The rest of the meal was spent in an extremely comfortable silence – with Kyungsoo still sitting on Jongin’s lap and Jongin occasionally feeding the elder while thinking how he really couldn’t ask for anything more except for every single moment with Kyungsoo to last forever. He could watch hundreds of shooting stars cross the sky, he could be given a million chances to wish and all he would ask for was to spend eternity with a certain person with pale skin, wide sparkling eyes, voice of an angel, and heart shaped lips – Do Kyungsoo. It was a cliché he used to not want to go back to yet fate had always had its way to show its cruelty. Fate would always throw him back to the paradox he had been running away from no matter how hard he tried to run away from it. Jongin would still call fate a little shit but he would thank it for giving him a chance to move forward and love again.

If the world would ask Kyungsoo, he would say that he was at his happiest, sitting in a comfortable silence in the company of the brightest star in his universe, savoring each moment as he pictured what perfection looked like in his mind and he couldn’t help but think of sun-kissed skin that sparkled under the moonlit sky, eyes that were always sparkling with glee, smile that could battle the Northern lights. He thought of the amount of staccatos and vivaces he had drawn whenever his eyes would meet Jongin’s, of how his heart would hum the same tune - _D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_ – as his fingers danced on the keys his dream grand piano, playing an unfinished music he had always known would only be done by one person, of how he would think of unwritten lyrics that would perfectly fit each note of his fragmentary masterpiece. It was already established that Kyungsoo had always liked serenity yet he knew that beyond the comfortable silence, accompanied by the song of their beating heart, there would always be the dark secrets that would never fail to make Kyungsoo’s heart waver. He had always known that beyond all the shooting stars and fulfilled wishes, there will always be the darkness – always lurking, always watching, waiting for its chance to strike them once more. Yet Kyungsoo wasn’t scared anymore. He wasn’t scared of pain and getting hurt because he knew that with everything that Jongin and he had gone through, no matter how deep the abyss was, or how dim that stars could be, Jongin’s smile would always be there to light his was and lead him to his paradise.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

He heard Jongin hummed, breaking his train of thoughts as he watched chocolate brown eyes reflect his own and he thought perhaps the only serenity he needed was Jongin and that the world and fate could just go fuck itself and that nobody should, and could tell two beatings hearts if they should be together or not.

“Oh shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!” Kyungsoo furrowed his brows as he watched the younger ran back into his room and started grabbing all his belongings. “Fuck I need to go home. My sister’s gonna kill me!”

“What?”

“I need to go.” Jongin ran towards the door only to come back again, only to grab the still very much confused Kyungsoo’s hand. “Actually you should come with me.”

“What?”

“Just come with me.”

“Where?”

“To meet my sister.”

“What?”

“Hyung!”

Kyungsoo gawked at Jongin. “I mean, right now?”

“Yes! Right now! Hours ago actually!” Jongin ruffled his raven hair, and really, if they weren’t in such situation, Kyungsoo would run his fingers through those locks. “She’ll definitely kill me when she sees me. I forgot to feed the kids!”

Kyungsoo just watched the younger walked around his living room, panic written all over chocolate brown orbs. Kyungsoo thought it was adorable because he knew Jongin more than anybody and he was more than sure that the younger was just fussing over something silly and asking more questions would just end up futile and would just make the other male freak out even more.

“Okay give me a sec. I’ll just shower and change.”

“But why! I need to get there soon!”

Kyungsoo decided that questions were unnecessary but a smack in the head was.

“Do the dishes while I shower. I’m not exactly very fond of walking around with something sticky in between my legs.”

Jongin smirked and wriggled his eyebrows at the elder’s innuendo-ish comment.

“Do you need help washing?”

Kyungsoo just threw his apron at the younger’s face.

“Wash the fucking dishes.”

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Kyungsoo hummed before he entered the bathroom.

*****

It was already a little too late when Kyungsoo had started thinking about his decision. He was already standing in front of a glass door; fingers interlaced with Jongin’s and head spinning. He didn’t actually think of the consequences of his decision up until he was watching Jongin fumbling with his key cards and Kyungsoo thought that perhaps he should just start running away once more yet feeling the warmth of Jongin’s hands reminded him that the younger would probably never let him go again.

“Glad you finally decided to come home. I thought you drowned in the ocean.” A middle-aged lady with long, black hair and eyes almost the same as Jongin’s materialized behind them before Jongin could even open the door. Kyungsoo thought running was definitely the best choice when his eyes met hers. “And you brought a friend?” A sly smile painted the lady’s lips, eyes travelling down to Jongin and his connected hands.

“Noona!”

The lady chuckled. “Jongin. You’re thirty three years old. Stop blushing like a little girl.”

Jongin just rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Are you gonna let me in or not? The kids haven’t eaten yet.”

“I know captain obvious. Why do you think I’ve been waiting for you?”

Kyungsoo just watched the siblings bicker as he let his mind ponder over his decision once more. Jongin had two older sisters and he had met all of them back when they were kids. He wasn’t as close to them but the two had always treated Kyungsoo like their own brother back then and scared was very much of an understatement to define what he was feeling. He was scared that perhaps Jongin’s sister would recognize him and that he would have to face the darkness of his past once more. He had managed to avoid meeting Jongin’s family back when they were still together and really, Kyungsoo had never actually thought of what he would do now that he was awkwardly standing in front of one.

“Go feed your kids before they starve to death and then you’re gonna blame me for not taking care of them good enough! You came home early because Jjangah wouldn’t eat without you and now you won’t even feed him. What a great father you are Kim Jongin. Tsk.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.” He heard Jongin replied before the younger walked towards to what he assumed was the kitchen, waving his hands in surrender and elder sister sticking out her tongue behind him. “That kid needs to grow up I swear.” Jongin’s sister plopped on the couch across the living room, intently watching how Kyungsoo fidgeted on his spot.

“So you’re the infamous Kyungsoo I presume?” The tone of her voice switched from playful to serious, and Kyungsoo could almost feel his bones shiver. Running could be the best choice, really. “Take a seat. Jongin will probably come back with tea and snacks so I won’t offer you any.”

Kyungsoo took a seat on the chair beside the huge window, looking over an elegant English garden. On regular circumstances, Kyungsoo would definitely complement the beauty of the plot yet the way Jongin’s sister was watching his every move was making him wish for a hole to just appear below him and eat him alive. His heart was racing and palms sweating. He tried focusing his eyes on everything but Jongin’s sister yet the way the elder looked at him was just making his head spin. A lump started forming in his throat as his mind started reeling memories he had been wishing to forget.

“I’ve heard a lot about you.” She smiled. “Jongin wouldn’t shut up about you back then. He kept moaning about perfect you were and that you were the best thing that ever happened to him. God he was so annoying back then. He would never end a sentence without mentioning your name even once.” Jongin’s sister chuckled and it somehow made Kyungsoo feel a little at ease. “My name’s Junghye by the way.”

“I.. I know.” Kyungsoo stuttered.

Junghye kept watching Kyungsoo, gauging the things that she would say. She was still in the midst of contemplating about how she felt about the boy. It had been a while, too long actually, for her to even reminisce.

“Good. Just thought I should remind you. You seemed to have forgotten about us Kyungsoo-yah.”

Kyungsoo almost cringed at the way Junghye spoke his name. It reminded him of sleepovers filled with endless teasing and giggles and with just that, he concluded that his fears and paranoia weren’t just all for nothing. The elder remembered him.

“Relax Kyungsoo. Yes, I do remember you. The moment Jongin described you I already knew that the boy my brother was going crazy about was you. We have always known that he had been in love with you ever since we were kids and that he would never love anybody else as much as he loves you. Even Mom was broken hearted when you guys broke up.” Junghye smiled, reaching for Kyungsoo’s trembling hands. What happened in the past was truly devastating and really, if she wasn’t as open minded he would have blamed Kyungsoo as well yet she had always known that everything wasn’t Kyungsoo’s or anybody’s fault. Kyungsoo was just a kid and she was aware of the trauma the younger had also gone through. “But I don’t hate you. I still love you the same though I’m just a little upset that you just disappeared without saying goodbye. We tried looking for you everywhere. Mom wanted to adopt you.”

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo’s tears started falling. He didn’t deserve such sympathy, hell he didn’t even deserve hate. He didn’t deserve anything that would from Jongin’s family yet after all that they had gone through, all he got from the Kims were nothing but love and forgiveness. Really, he would trade his life just to turn back time and redo all the things that had gone wrong yet the way Junghye’s eyes watered as she tried and wipe Kyungsoo’s tears was telling him that perhaps, there wasn’t anything to redo, that perhaps life was just cruel yet there would always be a light at the end of the abyss, guiding their way towards happiness.

“If you’re apologizing for what had happened, don’t, because it’s not your fault Kyungsoo. You’re just a victim of circumstances.” Junghye took Kyungsoo in her arms, almost like back when they were younger when Jongin teased Kyungsoo a little too much and the younger would come running into her to seek comfort and revenge towards her little brother – the thought made her smile. “But if you’re apologizing for not contacting us then just make some kimchi spaghetti coz Jongin also wouldn’t shut up about how heavenly your cooking is. Plus if we did find you then, you Jongin and you wouldn’t be together this way, wouldn’t you? I’m pretty sure he’s happier that you’re his lover, not just a brother.”

Junghye startled chuckling and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile. The lump on his chest had somehow lessen and for the past years of his existence,  that was the first time his heart felt so light and free.

“Now dry your tears. I wouldn’t want Jongin thinking I made you cry. He’ll kill me.”

Kyungsoo paused. Jongin. Of course. If Junghye remembered why wouldn’t Jongin? If Junghye had always known he the same exact Kyungsoo from the past, then why wouldn’t Jongin?

“D-does he know? Does he remember me?”

“I don’t know really. We never talked about it.” Junghye just shrugged, eyes still smiling and Kyungsoo still couldn’t help but find comfort in the elder’s gaze. “Does it matter though? I haven’t seen my brother this as happy as he is with you and trust me if he did know, he wouldn’t want to talk about it at all.” Junghye’s smile faltered. “If he doesn’t I strongly suggest you don’t tell him.”

“B-but-“

“He deserves to know? I’m well aware but Jongin holds grudges and the love you share is too beautiful to be ruined by something from the past. It already did once, and this is your second chance. Don’t let it get ruined by the same thing over again.” Junghye reached for Kyungsoo’s cheeks, wiping away the trail of tears freely flowing from his eyes. “Some things are better left forgotten.”

“Noona! Did you make this?!” As if on cue, Jongin appeared from the kitchen, munching on a small pastry Kyungsoo had never seen before, three dogs following behind him.

“Yes.”

“What is it? It’s good!”

Junghye’s laughter filled the whole house.

“It’s a dog treat Jongin.” She tried saying with a straight face, making Kyungsoo started snickering. “Did you like it?”

Kyungsoo watched how Jongin’s eyes widen as the younger started spluttering, trying to get the food out of his system. His heart started fluttering as laughter started filling his system. It took him a second to realize that Jongin was already sitting by his feet, laughter roaring along with his, holding onto his ankle like it was the younger’s lifeline. It reminded Kyungsoo of the days when Jongin used to do the same thing and would always end up getting kicked by Kyungsoo only to smile in return and take the elder’s hand, interlacing their fingers before leaving a sweet kiss on his lips.

_D#           Dm          Cm          Gm_

Their song might still be unfinished, the lyrics might still be unwritten and their hearts might still be both broken, as long as they were together there will always be the light of the stars to light the path towards their paradise. Fate could still be the little shit that it had always been yet as long there was Jongin to keep holding his hand and run the race that had nothing but uncertainty to promise down the finish line with him, Kyungsoo knew he would be okay. And as soon as Jongin took his hand once more, as soon as Jongin claimed his lips once more, Kyungsoo thought that maybe, just maybe some things were just better left _forgotten._

******

`A/N:`

`again, HAPPY KAISOO DAY!!!  
also, first smut! can I get a hell yeah! lol jk I'm not exactly satisfied with how I wrote it. actually, I'm not satisfied with this whole chapter at all because tbh I have no idea how am I gonna end this fic that's kind of why I took this long. Will there be an epilogue? There's a huge probability but I cant promise anything. `

`questions? leave a comment or hit me up with a message i'd gladly reply (:  
I'd probably make an FAQ page too like what I did with sanctuary when I find time and when I've gathered enough questions`   
  
xoxo - rin


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